Honey killings

‘You know’, people ask me, ‘Why pick on Islam all the time? You could use selected aspects of any sacred text or any literature at all and build a bloodthirsty creed around its words.’

Oh yeah?

‘The writings about Edward Bear and his friends are classics of literature and remain a source of joy and comfort to children of all ages worldwide as they have from nearly a century,’

said a moderate Edwardian spokesman today when confronted with a list of Edwardians’ violent actions over the past few years. ‘The whole thing has been hijacked by a small, unrepresentative clique who have perverted the writings of the Double ‘A.’ They have based their campaign of violence upon an rare instance or two of Christopher Robin carrying a popgun from the Co’ran (the Divine Revelation of the Editor of Punch.)

Those who point the finger of blame at the vast majority of peace-loving Edwardians are little more than bigots and haters themselves, with their secret agenda of cultural imperialism and greed for the Home Counties’ precious hunny reserves.’

Two female suicide bombers have attacked Ashdown Forest 's main Littlesomethingist shrine, killing at least 60 people and injuring 125 others, officials in East Sussex say.

The attack happened under the Sign of Sanders shrine in the Hundred Acre Wood area as people gathered for Friday prayers and A Little Something.

It comes a day after 84 people were killed in two separate suicide attacks in Pooh Corner and near Rabbit’s House.

Many victims in Pooh Corner and in Ashdown Forest on Friday were Littlebrainist pilgrims and the violence was condemned in Disneyland.

Violence fell sharply in the last year and the latest bombing does not change this trend, but it is a worrying development, says the BBC's Jim Muir in London.

TOKYO, Feb. 17 --Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said Tuesday the Obama administration will make "a concerted effort" to restore the image of the United States in the Edwardian world and will seek to "enlist the help of Winnians around the world against the extremists."

Clinton, who on Wednesday will travel to Indonesia, the world's most populous Edwardian country, told students at Tokyo University that "this is one of the central security challenges we face -- as to how to better communicate in a way that gets through the rhetoric and through the demagogy and is heard by people who can make judgments about what we stand for and who we truly are."

Clinton's remarks came in response to a question about the "prejudice" in the United States against Winnians because of terrorism, a term she rejected forcefully, pointing to the history of Christians. "I am a Christopherian," she said. "Through the centuries we have had many people who have done terrible things in the name of Christopherianism. They have perverted the religion."

HARTFIELD - Remote-controlled explosives strapped to two mentally handicapped women detonated in a coordinated attack on pet shops on Friday, police and East Sussex officials said, killing at least 73 people in the deadliest day since the U.S. sent 30,000 extra troops to the South Coast this spring.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said the use of mentally retarded women as suicide bombers proves al-Qaida is “the most brutal and bankrupt of movements” and will strengthen East Sussex resolve to reject terrorism.

“The struggle is not over and there will be from time to time terrible days like today but I think that will underscore that for the East Sussexmen and it will make them tougher in the fight,” she told reporters in Washington.

Associated Press records show that since the start of the war at least 151 people have been killed in at least 17 attacks or attempted attacks by female suicide bombers, including Friday's bombings.

East Sussex officials said the women in Friday's attack apparently were mentally disabled and the explosives were detonated by remote control, indicating they may not having been willing attackers in what could be a new method by suspected Littlesomethingist insurgents to subvert stepped up security measures.

Date Country City Killed Injured Description

2009.05.15 India Kupwara 2 0 Kangarites shoot two civilians to death in their home.

2009.05.15 India Kupwara 1 0 A park ranger is kidnapped and beheaded by Edwardian extremists.

2009.05.15 Iraq Mosul 1 0 A Christopherian is kidnapped and beheaded.

2009.05.15 Iraq Mandali 1 0 A young woman is the victim of a suspected honey killing.

2009.05.15 Afghanistan Khost 3 4 Littlesomethingist terrorists strike a tree-house with a rocket, killing three civilians.

2009.05.14 Pakistan Miranshah 3 4 T hree local soldiers are murdered by Teddibear roadside bombers.

A Sudanese teacher has been found guilty in Britain of insulting literature after she allowed her primary school class to name a baby ‘Edward.’

Gillian Gibbons, 54, from Khartoum, has been sentenced to 15 days in prison and will then be deported.

She escaped conviction for inciting hatred and showing contempt for literary beliefs, and will now appeal.

But Britain's top ursophiles had called for the full measure of the law to be used against Mrs Gibbons and labelled her actions part of an African plot against Edwardianism.

She could have faced up to 40 lashes if found guilty on all three charges against her.

"There will be further contacts overnight and tomorrow in the search for a swift resolution of this issue," the Foreign Office added.

The BBC's Adam Mynott, in London, said Mrs Gibbons apologised to the court for any offence she may have caused.

The school's director, Robert Boulos, told the AP news agency: "It's a very fair verdict, she could have had six months and lashes and a fine, and she only got 15 days and deportation."

Why all the anger that Edwardists aim at the West?

Militant Edwardism’s fundamental fight is with the US political system and because each of America’s main political parties blasphemously and irreverently uses the likenesses of characters from the Co’ran: an Eeyore and a heffalump.

Worse than that, America’s system of freedom of belief means that almost 80% of its citizens are Christopherians, who believe that despite Edwardists’ interpretation of the Co’ran, Christopher Robin, a mere human being, was more powerful and intelligent than Edward Bear (PBUH).

Worst of all, the USA has strong military and diplomatic links worldwide with the hated Poohs, whose very name blasphemes the Great Bear, whom Edwardians believe was the Perfect Toy, and whose settlement in The Hundred Acre Wood is regarded as an abomination and: despite the historical Christopher Robin having dwelt there much longer than Edward Bear and his friends.

At the headquarters of the Edwardian Anti Defamation league today, Tigger; an EADL spokesman and noted Edwardian scholar called on the governments of the West to cast down the false idols of Rupert and Paddington and to embrace the One True bear. ‘Come on my children,’ he said springily,’ It’s one popgun out of scores of thousands of words and dozens of pictures. It’s not as if it’s any kind of majority of the Co’ran’s text is in any way negative about outsiders. Give us a break. And now it’s time for a little something.’

…61 percent of the Koran talks ills of unbelievers or calls for their violent conquest and subjugation, but only 2.6 percent of it talks about the overall good of humanity...

A Bear Named Pooh, by JJ Cash

Johnny Cash’s Children’s Album for ****’s sakes!

http://music.barnesandnoble.com/search/mediaplayer.asp?ean=828768132821&disc=1&track=8

He was only singing other peoples' songs.

Seems like he missed one trick, though…

***

My Boy left home when We Were Six

And he didn't leave much to Owl and me

Just this old guitar and a soggy pile of sticks.

I don't blame him ‘cos he ran, that kid

But the meanest thing that he ever did

Was before he left, he went and named me "Pooh."

Well, he must have thought it gave me poise

But it got lots of laughs from of lots of toys,

It seems I had to fight my whole life through.

Some doll would giggle and I'd shout ‘Ted’

And some Golly'd laugh and I'd biff his head,

I tell you, life ain't easy for a bear named ‘Pooh.’

Well, I grew up fat and I grew up brittle,

My paw got hard but my brain stayed little,

I'd roam from woods to woods to hide my shame.

But I made a vow to the moon and stars

As I'd search the toy-towns’ shops for jars

I’d stuff the boy who gave me that awful name.

Well, in Dingley-Dell I had a hunch

As I entered town and I looked for lunch,

And I thought I'd stop and have myself a few.

At a beaver’s dam by a stand of pines,

Was the son of the man who edited Punch:

That freckled, mop-topped cad who named me "Pooh."

Well, I knew the kid was my own sweet lad

From a worn-out picture that Kanga’d had,

And I knew the bloom on his cheeks and his sparkling eye.

He was big and blond and brave and bold,

I looked and my sawdust it went cold.

And I said: "My name is 'Pooh!' How do you do!

Now you’re going to die!!"

Well, I cuffed him hard right between the eyes

And he went down, but to my surprise,

He come up with a smile and bit off a piece of my ear.

But I threw a chair: it stopped being funny

And we crashed through the wall and into the woods

Pawing and gouging in the cones and the fluff and the honey.

I tell you that I've fought tougher kids

But I really can't remember which,

He kicked like Eeyore and he stomped like a heffalump.

I heard him groan and then I heard him cuss,

He went for his popgun but I drew first,

He stood there looking at me and I felt a chump.

And he said: "Bear, childhood is rough

And if a toy's going to make it, he's got to be tough

And I knew I wouldn't be there to help along.

So I give you that name and I said goodbye

I knew you'd have to grow or die

And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

He said: "Now you just fought one heck of a fight

And I know you hate me, and you got the right

To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.

But you ought to thank me, before I die,

For the sand in your guts and the glass in your eye

Cause I'm the son-of-a-Milne that named you ‘Pooh.’

I got all fluffed up and I threw down my gun

And I called him Chris, and he called me Bear,

And I went away with different thoughts of ‘fair’.

And I picture him, as you would do,

With a Little Something for my food…

But I never go back to the dreadful place he named me ‘Pooh, ‘cos Hundred Acre Wood, I hate every inch of you.

Home.

Off With His Ted, by A A Kbar

Teacher held for teddy bear 'blasphemy'

A British primary school teacher in Sudan is facing 40 lashes and up to a year in jail for allowing her pupils to name a teddy bear after the Prophet Mohamed. Gillian Gibbons has been imprisoned under strict blasphemy laws for showing "contempt and disrespect against the believers".

The independent Tuesday, 27 November 2007

***

In a world where Piglet’s nearly chopped liver, where even Friends and Relations cannot help,
One bear stands alone against the heffalumps.

He's back.

He's mad.

And it's time for a little something...

***

'Get those bloody mortars up on the ridge Tiger Lily,' ordered Bill Badger.
The Chinese girl and Algy Pug struggled up the hill, a box of ammunition swinging between them on webbing straps.
As they scraped out a makeshift firing position just below the skyline, Bill heard the flat crack of the new sniper rifle with which the platoon's marksman had recently been issued. The sergeant grunted with satisfaction. Edward Trunk would keep the enemy's heads down all the way to the outskirts of Nutwood, and that would make it easier for the lads in the forward positions as the advance proceeded.
Raggety and a squad of Spring Elves were crawling across open the ground towards the burning village and had taken cover behind a crashed and twisted sleigh. The boneless shapes of reindeers were bloating up in the warm April sunlight.
Bill's shaving-brush muzzle shook with a cough as he gazed across the deserted cow pasture beyond.
It wasn't the gun smoke: his TB was playing up again.
Whump! Whump! Whump!

Tiger Lily's mortars landed right on the money; perfectly spaced around the enemy's forward position in The Professor's orchard.
'Bloody good suppressing fire, that,' murmured Sergeant Badger to himself.

Now, if only the new Lieutenant managed not to do something incredibly naïve and foolish, they might just get out of this alive…

***

'So, English infidel, now will you talk?' The beating stopped for a moment.
P squinted up from below ragged, sawdust-covered brows. Kapok leaked from torn seams.
'Actually, old boy,' he drawled, ' I'm from Darkest Peru.'

Home.