Monday, 2 March 2015

Why conservatism won’t work any more

You, your family and all your closest friends along with all your most valuable possessions are stuck aboard a bus that’s teetering on the edge of a cliff that’s crumbling underneath you as in The Italian Job.

Gravity still works because gravity’s real because science, see? and if the bus falls you will all fall with it to possible death or certainly injury and the risk of drowning or hypothermia if, for example, the cliff overlooks a lake or the sea.

It gets worse.
Your family is divided and not really helping with either a solution or an escape plan. Your children follow various cults that preach the virtues of falling off cliffs on the one hand and the impossibility of falling off the cliff on the other so they aren't about to move to the back of the bus to rebalance it so the back wheels might just gain a bit more traction. They don’t believe in back wheels or care about traction anyway, because Tinkerbell. They watch a lot of Disney.

It couldn't get worse.
At the back bus are noisy passengers who don’t care whether the bus moves at all because they’re happy skinning up and flirting and passing a bottle vodka round. Some of them are unpacking fireworks which are pretty and don’t you believe in a little harmless fun, Dad? The people on the back seats won’t sit still let alone let you into the back to rebalance the bus or help you open the emergency door because they’re having fun telling their friends about their day. #OMG. #I can’t even. Because your wife insisted on buying new loft insulation, a barbecue and a new shower curtain recently and has demanded two foreign holidays per year for the past twenty years you jacked in your karate lesson and the gym subscription so you don’t fancy your chances trying to force the party animals to help or simply get out of the way. And there are a lot of them and anyway your wife and kids think they’re just having a bit of fun; so no harm done.

It gets worse.
Some other passengers are starting to move forward, unbalancing the bus even worse and threatening those still seated; shaking them down for valuables and copping a feel of the girls and maybe roughing up anyone who objects – and you family shouts the objectors down (including you) as killjoys or snobs.

We’re going to need a better word for worse.
There’s a mob of strangers outside rocking the bus trying to get in and they’re not only going to add weight and tip it over the edge if they do get in but if you believe what they say (and you’re the only person on the bus who believes them except some pasty-faced old chap cowering near the back) they’re going to take your seat and steal your possessions on the way down and they have plans for your wife and children that don’t involve asking your opinion.

It’s worst.
The driver and conductor of the bus (it’s a very old-fashioned kind of bus so it still has a conductor who doesn't do his job. But anyway)... Oh, right. The driver and the conductor believe that it’s not really such a high cliff and anyway it has a nicer view than the one from the nasty old road they just steered you off onto the harmless cliff. They announce with polite apologies that there’s been a little problem (which they call “an issue” because calling things problems can upset nervous people and nervous people do things that feel unacceptable to bus drivers and all their friends) and that if all the passengers will just hang on and be patient they’ll have the journey going nicely again… if certain passengers will just stop complaining (and especially complaining about the other passengers who are on board like the rest of us whether they bought a ticket or not), and so stop complaining about the crew and the other passengers.

And your plan to survive and fix all this is to insist that the driver engages the hand brake?


Saturday, 10 January 2015

The Nancies of Nancy?

Hey. All of the French political parties except for the one led by most popular Presidential candidate are invited to a National Day of Unity to protest against the Islamic murders by Muslims in France.

Say, what kind of ‘Unity’ doesn’t invite people who oppose the cold-blooded murder of men, women, children, police officers, Jews, and the subjection and mutilation of girls and women anyway?

Picture from here.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Another really good reason to say f*ck

Dumb Jon notices the Tory Party bounding like a graceful gazelle from kamikaze attacks on the British nation to hara-kiri as it prepares to eat its own nostril contents on the World Wide Watch.

Can we perhaps step away from the cultural Marxism - ‘cultural Marzxism?’ - of the gay-marriage, Really Believe in Global Warming, Hug-a-Hoodie because the stocks are so uncool maaan Tory Party for a moment? You can’t laugh all day long because someone might notice and cancel your takeaway delivery order of twenty-six 14” thick crust pizzas with everything….

You’ve got to ask yourself just exactly what sort of political i.e. partisan, strategic, public relations reasoning goes on at the party’s highest levels behind this internet-age equivalent of undressing upstairs at night with the lights on and the curtains open.

In what way do the Powder Blues Who Lose imagine that every aspect (real, imagined, speculative, alternative reality and visionary) of this needless persecution will not somehow be plastered across the BBC, the Twitter sphere, the Guardian, the BBC web pages for UK (and for politics), Facebook, the BBC London pages, Channel Four and the BBC gardening and weather sites from now to Election Day?

There will likely be special flowcharts and commentary showing how both Sarah Palin and the IDF are helping the Toriez inflict their very own Night Of The Long Knives on the shrinking democratic UK Right’s equivalent of a gentle giant on his way home from the cigar store: all full of pizza and chocolate and light-heartedly bantering with a Klan cop and surrendering by light-heartedly running towards him in a friendly and non-threatening manner?

Someone might devise a specialist search engine:

But a party that conducts its business in secret and far, far away from its membership and the electors probably reasons that as MacMillan won’t even publish a hardback about l’Affaire Bow Group, who’ll ever know? 

Thursday, 5 June 2014

The silence is settled

Below is a fine example of good old-fashioned factual newspaper reporting; telling the story as it is…with a political sting in the tale.
In these corrupt days when much contemporary ‘journalism’ is hopelessly partisan and therefore editorialized, you’ve got to hand it to The Independent for simply laying out the facts, reporting speech and describing a professional expert’s explanation of the criminal motives for essential context.
I’m not sure quite why one or two irrelevancies were included among the otherwise crisp storytelling, such as the deceased’s place of birth and this self-widowing brute’s harsh attitude to her style of dress, but the names of some of those involved in this tragedy add a certain colour to the tale and nicely complement the Arabian Nights feel that hovers around the killer’s motivation. A Jinn, forsooth!

My only criticism of the article is that without a comments section there’s no opportunity for readers to discuss the inescapably feminist closing paragraph which makes (I’m sure you’ll all agree) one hell of a punch line.

Picture from here.

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

What didn’t just happen?

A week ago was the eve of the UK’s round of the European Parliamentary elections. Here’s what didn’t happen next.

Trooper Lee Rigby did not cast a ballot; nor did any of the 52 Londoners murdered on 7/7 who might have been entitled to vote. But perhaps some people inside and outside our sophisticated multicultural capital city remembered those events and did something a little…off while remembering them, despite being told that doing something a little off might eventually bring violence to Britain’s streets. Join the queue.  
The unemployed unknowingly and innocently displaced by cheap immigrant labour did not strike a blow for serious immigration reform, but perhaps some of them noticed not being picked for the factory job or the cleaning position at the motel and decided to do something probably ineffective about it.
The nation’s patriots did not rise up as one to demand an end to the UK’s membership of the EU. In fact a majority of those who voted at all did so for parties committed to staying in the EU and which notionally offer instead thorough, deep and lasting reform of EU institutions to the betterment of everyday life and international prestige for Britain, unlikely as it seems. But, hey: people still buy lottery tickets every week despite the odds against ever winning a large sum. But voting for political parties is rarely the exercise of fine-tuned choice: parties are portfolios of interests so diverse as to make cable TV bundling seem like pick ‘n mix by comparison. But some folk may have noticed that the peace and plenty (and the banishment of right-wing nationalism often predicted if the European Project does not roll on unchecked) that the EEC, EC, EU’s enthusiasts promised us are not too obvious today. Maybe some Britons remembered those promises and threats and did…something else. Rather like lots of other Europeans with whose parties our masters would prefer UKIP not to associate because pan-European political alliances are a bad thing – did you notice that?

Oh, and after three days of editorial postmortems it doesn’t seem that a significant part of the British electorate has given the three parties with a combined age of 400 +years much reason to reflect, remember, and change their ways.

Other things that did not happen that you might like to remember sometime in 2015:

Overall government debt did not go down. Pension funding did not increase for most people. Savers still aren’t getting much return for investing in our banks. The two million or so baseline unemployed figure did not shrink noticeably. Britain’s streets and housing estates did not become visibly safer or more peaceful. Nor did the parts of Europe where Britons visit to trade and study. Educational standards did not rise nor, as far as I can see, did the efficiency and cleanliness of our hospitals, the nutrition provided for the children of this country or the care for its pensioners, though I may have missed some spectacular initiatives. Our jurisprudence did not become simpler nor justice easier to access, nor did convicted criminals show much sign of seeing the error of their ways. Our mobile phone and other internet services might have become cheaper and better but, well, who do we have to thank for that? Not, I think, any of the institutions in charge of our roads or the parties who have governed them for decades.

You could argue that none of the trivia in the above paragraph is the direct or even indirect responsibility of the EU and its institutions… But if the EU is so remote from our daily lives, what’s the point of being in the EU at all?

Notice. Remember. 2015.

Picture from here.

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Poke a finger in their eye

...For once.

Only one week to go to penetrate the Progressives’ Cloak of
Invisibility that is worn even when they break even their own weedy, non-judgemental optional guidelines.


Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner