Jokes about spices, gold and precious gems

…that I bring to Jerusalem to test the wisdom of Solomon with hard questions.

David Cameron insisted “we are all Thatcherites now.”

Which means I must be…

Picture from here.

Nemesis Draco

Our loyal subjects.

This week we have slain the dragon that has of late threatened the realm with destruction. We have become the very first of all the kings of Albion to do so when we slew the recently-feared and invisible dragon in mortal combat and have now returned to you to rule you all amid the peace and security that our personal valour has won.

Though we can never know the name of that awful creature; nor display its hide and broken bones to our relieved and grateful subjects; we stand before you in the warmth of your praise and love. Let the doubters be silent, let the soldiers of our Guard sheathe their rattling sabres once more in faith that their liege lord has done his duty and that all is now well.

We can only pray now that our reign can henceforth be peaceful and righteous; undisturbed at last by the bickering and suspicions that have racked it for so long. We hope that the money-lenders will still their cowardly murmurings of alarm at imaginary monsters - rather than this very real dragon and that they will return to their honest tasks of lending modest sums to our treasury and helping our very humblest subjects and supporters place a tiled roof above their heads, (though never an old-fashioned thatched one.)  We hope also that our poorer subjects will return to their honest toil undisturbed by the deeds of their betters here at court, obey our wise judges, and continue to give generously from their harvests to support our Royal almshouses and for modest poor relief and to house and clothe the strangers now settling in our lands to the benefit of all.

We hope also that Papal legates may once more move freely amongst our subjects about their godly tasks undisturbed by dissent and disrespect, and that our own alliances with foreign princes and our marriage to a foreign Queen will be thought of warmly as the great good that they are, and that our over-mighty subjects shall learn to know their place and cease their prideful calls of fear and alarm that there be greater (and visible) dragons off our shores, for they are surely in the wrong.

Cnut Rex :

Lord of the Isles, dragon slayer and Prince of Anagrams.

  

 Picture from here.

Warp Factor Twelve to Mongo, Mister Sulu

Sunday just got better with Dumb Jon’s thoughtful 7-word précis of Her Majesty’s current ministry.

Cameron's not the fireman, he's the arsonist.

That’s one word for each midden-like two month period.

But I’m a simple-minded chap and I like to spell things out for myself so there’s no misunderstanding.

Here’s what the often right and then again often staggeringly deluded Matthew d’Ancona (why do I think of a saintly snake squeezing a coffee pot to death when I see that name?) writes about iDave’s little local difficulty with The UK Sixty Million:

By empathy, I mean the visceral connection between politician and voter, the strand of communication that makes the latter believe – or half-believe – that the former grasps what life is really like for him.

You know, speeches that nations wait months to hear and then respond to and thereafter change or confirm their actions and beliefs accordingly aren’t properly made by democratic politicians in peacetime at all.

You might wait for a Pope or a philosopher or a panel of the wise and the good to speak and give a pronouncement on some moral matter such as, sorry, abortion is a big nix now and forevermore ( or okay if the mother’ life is threatened as here in Britain) or we’ve decided that slavery is just so totally poo and we’re going to do X, Y and Z about it, or you might just about eagerly await the speech from some learned government-backed science committee’s chairman (back in the days when it was reasonable to expect a government-backed science committee to produce actual science rather than government science) pronounce on some important and manageable discovery, such as expectant mothers taking Thalidomide caused their babies to be born limbless, or that post-natal sepsis in mothers was indeed the result of microbes passed from infected mother to a doctor’s hands to the next uninfected mother, or that all the evidence indicates that the speed of light is it: so it’s get to Pluto and stop or cryostasis or multi-generation ships between solar systems for the human race from now on. Or some fictional hyperdrive gizmo.

In war there’s nothing so befits a man as to say how we got in this mess and what the stakes are and what it’s going to be like clearing it all up, so pledge to one another your lives, fortunes and sacred honours, and bring on the “fight them on the beaches” and the “evil empire” thing and actually do it… and people did, mostly, buckle down and cooperate or at least go along without actually shooting their leadership because it was obvious that the bad guys were a few miles of by sea away and resources would by God be found to do the job. It was possible to argue with this detail or that policy (and it was allowed, within reason, to dissent from it without prison or other official persecution) and a place allowed for you if you didn’t entirely go along with the programme and shut up. But the big stuff: the principled stuff: the make-a-difference-to-our-lives-followed-by-concerted-action is centred around some really very simple choices such as we govern ourselves or we’re serfs or we’re dead.

In peacetime, now, democratic politicians nned to speak about the present and what the future will hold for policy and the lives of the governed. Dissent is endless, often confused, mendacious, wholly unconnected with the lives of other people, and society is so splintered and atomised thanks to cultural Marxism that not only can’t the BBC allow nation to speak unto nation, it won’t allow farmers or soldiers or victims of crime to speak at all. But despite media bias council house residents just can’t understand what private homeowners are going on about and hospital patients awaiting the wrong treatments (or none) in dirty wards or in beds on corridors simply can’t understand what the anti-immigration lot mean, and the jobless can’t imagine life being better for them outside the EU because, well, it’s nothing to do with them. Or Earthlings in general.

New Labour’s repeated electoral triumphs was in large part due to this; when they spoke (often insincerely) the big abstracts about love and fluffiness and caring and whiskers on kittens and it confirmed peoples’ prejudices about how loving they all were and especially if it personally benefitted them in the short term then fine; they’d go along with it and millions of others would join the queue waiting for their own hand-out, whilst also feeling both warm and cherished for the raindrops-on-roses loveliness that they shared with New Labour.. .along with higher house values, natch.

“Education. Education. Education” was believed and voted for and its awful results were endured by parents of ignorant and bullied pupils despite New Labour cabinet Ministers’ children from Day One heading for the selective and private educational sector like lemmings heading for the hills after being given Satnav gear and having been shown the two-hour Director’s Cut of I Know Where The Other Lemmings Went Last Summer because folding money was available for other stuff, such as a lifetime on benefits for one’s own kids and their kids, and giveaway laptops and jobs self-motivatingly coordinating proactive outreach initiatives for the offspring of the middle class parents who were too stupid to get onto Art history degrees.

Cameron can’t do any of this, and he can’t do this for two reasons: one is that he’s dafter than a jelly frisbee and the other is that he doesn’t mean any of that Tory smallish government stuff anyway. Smaller than the Solar System, at least.

Which is his quandary. Now many of those houses aren’t worth so much and the Council’s laying off secretaries and clerks and some previously indispensable £30K+ middle managers and not hiring replacement bin-men. Today all those funny shops and warehouses and pharmaceutical companies and farms and ghastly fast-food outlets and the mine and both of Britain’s factories and that lovely comfortable bookshop where nobody ever grubby-commercially pressured you into actually buying anything and where they always had lots of copies of the latest Will Hutton (isn’t he simply marvellous?) that government didn’t notice (except by the Inland Revenue and health committees recommending that they be regulated to hire health and safety professionals in organisations larger than basketball teams) or painted with skull-and-crossbones health warning signs) aren’t hiring either so much. Nor are they sending out for coffee and sandwiches so much. Or buying furniture at British ‘living wage’ production cost prices or taking interns for the Business Studies to do their ‘work experience’ years signing for the coffee and sandwiches.

So Cameron could hire Orpheus and consult the shade of William Shakespeare. He could come up with Big Society and broken society buzzwords and ‘passionate about’ all in this together slogans that would make Draco weep and cuddle puppies to match new Labour’s snake-oil and stakeholder and liberal imperialism and glasnost and doodledandy and whatever, but the The UK Sixty Million aren’t capable of understanding or learning the worth of any big new abstracts  because they haven’t been taught how to think in abstracts much more mature than the cosy, sensuous platitudes necessary to the work of infant school teachers and dinner ladies. How do you connect viscerally to that and take theri pocket money away?

It’s going to be impossible for him, given the Liberal ball and chain, to dig up the big old Tory abstracts of patriotism, respect for the law, prudence, civic responsibility and so on on their own, even if he could speak them with a straight face. It’s not that the instincts or the appetite for such things have completely gone – they are still there in the hearts and imaginations of more than a few of us. But. They’ve been demonized or so-opted by the Left as to be unrecognizable and anyway explaining them may take a little time. He doesn’t have much time before those who write our opinions decide it’s time for him to go where his pal Hitler went, and go he will; with a weakened Tory press and no chance of a UK Fox TV from the defeated House Harkonnen, ie, Murdoch, to speak for him.

He could show them, though. People can see, and think, a bit, and act accordingly. Not after some speech the BBC will show at 4.30 on a Friday afternoon and spend the weekend asking Labour and human right activists and Greens and trade union representatives to interpret.

He could do a thing that people liked and explain it as a Tory idea or belief. Simple

He could do it all, and save money he hasn’t got, but he won’t :not on this planet.

“Respect for law is a Tory ideal, which I followed when I ordered that the immediate resumption of all suspended and reduced sentences in full to be the mandatory consequence of further convictions for crimes of violence, theft or property damage.”

“Parental control over their children’s’ education, including the disciplining of bullies and other troublemakers, is a Tory ideal, which is why from next September funding will follow the choice of school contracted between parents and head teachers and why local education authorities have been abolished.”

“Defence of the realm is a Tory ideal, which is why I have reversed the spending and personnel cuts in the armed services and will be stationing much of the then-existent Royal Air Force on the two new aircraft carriers when they are built, and ordering more combat and intelligence aircraft and sacking the defence procurement bureaucracy in Whitehall.”

“National sovereignty is a Tory ideal, which is why I am to hold a referendum on European Union membership and making the Party’s resources available to the Get Out camp.”

“The notion that idleness breeds crime is a Tory idea, which is why I am backing work for benefits for all able-bodied adults from next April. Why should there be a single dirty street or dangerous wasteland in any of Britain’s cities and towns, and why should prisons not be built cheaply and any of our city streets remain unrepaired?” 

Picture from here.

We have absolutely everything we need

…apart from an oxygen supply.

In the English language there are certain phrases and sentences which begin impressively enough but at the end of which their whole initial impact meaning and intent are utterly negated.

Examples include:

Cyberdyne Systems for Windows:

The Glory That Was Belgium;

Buy one, get one free vasectomy.

Here, however, is this week’s winner:

Tories welcome Cameron's tough talk on immigration

Tory MPs and activists were delighted today after David Cameron hardened his image with calls for curbs on immigration and "tough punishment" for criminals.

Wow! Really? I mean, really?

You have to wonder what it’s like, psychologically, to be a Tory ‘right-winger’ just now.

Is it easy for them to forget iDave’s sacking of a Shadow spokesman who merely mentioned the idea that coloured Army recruits might play the race card to get softer treatment from instructors during basic training?

When The Greatest Tory Leader Of All Time is bruited about as actually addressing the appalling issues of multiculturalism and the failure of some immigrants to integrate and then he says stuff like: "I do think that people have a very real concern about levels of immigration and not because of different cultures or the colour of their skin," he said. "Concern is about services. It's the pressure on schools, pressure on hospitals, pressure on housing. It's important to understand that if your child is going into a reception class and suddenly 20 new kids turn up because lots more families have arrived, then that is a big pressure." then Right-wing Tories have got to realize, surely, that we’re at another of those Camerooniac Once Upon A Time In The Wirral moments.

See? It’s all about numbers and accounting and just plain old-fashioned money which all good Right-wing Tories believe in their heart of heart the Conservatives still do so well, just as Britain still does pomp and circumstance and royal weddings with the streets lined with an honour guard consisting of the entire Platoon of Guards, and for example see how brilliantly they’re balancing cutting public expenditure on British subjects whilst spending the ‘savings’ and more on our beloved European neighbours’ bankers.

“Shut up, Eric, it’s just four umbrella stands and a rather attractive set of piano keys all gathered together in the corner of the room and nothing more.”

Curiously, certain sections of the diverse Left think it’s about economics, too.

At Salam immigration solicitors on Chorlton Road, Sheikh Asif Salam accuses Cameron of "stirring things up".

"What about the people from Poland and the Czechs from the EU? They don't speak English and there are no issues with them. Why are there issues with people from outside Europe? It is not in the interests of the nation, it is just political … The UK is an international hub but you can't survive on your own. If you don't let people in, then don't let people out. It will become so difficult that people won't want to invest in the UK. If tourists are told we are not friendly they will stop coming."

He adds: "If we stop the migrants coming in to the NHS then this leads to problems with a lack of doctors and nurses. It gives rise to hatred; it is all a political stand."

Now, that’s from the Guardian and of course no-one over there is ever going to point out that nobody at all (with the possible exception of one Right-wing nano-blogger they’ve never even heard of) that nobody has ever had much to fear about Poles getting onto underground trains with accordions on their backs or Czechs driving into Glasgow Airport in a car full of Budweiser bottles.

It’s in cases like this that it all comes together.

The culture wars are, to the Spongebob Blues, actually quite impressive and important and something you could mention but you shouldn’t do so in polite company - like Great Aunt Vera's hairy facial mole or statistics about male elephants.

When the clever-clogs of the Tory invertebrate establishment assure their actual really real truly conservative colleagues that: it’s all about money; it’s not about culture; the EU is a helpful alliance; defence funding can be dealt with separately and safely cut; the welfare state safety net just needs pruning; debt can be lived with as it’s just like a Christmas club where we invest in our future; we must avoid anything smacking of racism because it impacts on the children; and most immigrants are assimilating, then they’ve got us out her in the world plus our beloved Tory Right-wingers divided and ruled and the citizenry suffering violence locally and internationally, paying for a variety of harms against themselves and forbidden to speak their minds.

You can’t have mere fiscal conservatism when British money is exported to help the foreign banks and while the bloated, immigrant-enriched National Health Service is cut (a bit, maybe) to pay British layabouts to spawn a series of illegitimate children headed for a childhood of disrupting everyone else’s educations and the violence-preaching anti-assimilators of Islam intimidating anyone who discusses the subject and our shrinking forces are fighting the wrong Muslim lunatics, because it’s about services. It's the pressure on schools, pressure on hospitals, pressure on housing.

We have to have it all; culture warriors upholding our culture; actual wars, if any, against our true, violent enemies, freedom of expression for the natives of our country; actual spending cuts to pay for actual law and order and real education and defence that works; national independence; an economy based on producing value for sale and laws built on values you never even try to sell; enforcement of British-made laws that reflect the morality of the British people; education that does not denigrate our country’s good achievements so children might just grow into adults who can cherish our country and actually thrive in it as free and safe citizens.

Cutting conservatism, like our United Kingdom, into optional dishes you can pick or choose amongst from some kind of policy buffet table is negating any chance of what conservatives hold to be good happening at all.

So I hope the Tory Right would stop allowing the divide and conquer of the anti-conservative Tories.

Make that ‘wish’, rather than hope.

I don’t see much sign of them realizing that, like the red white and blue bunting they and their beliefs are being taken out by the leadership and displayed on special occasions such as the royal wedding…only to be put away once the local elections are finished.

As far as I can see, Cameron’s speech is another example of Tory Party let-down. Here we go for the one.

What’s next: When Dinosaurs Ruled the Irwell?


Picture from here

...what you wish for

It’s been pointed out to me that we have had an election (I had mine at 9.20 last Thursday, and a very fine election it was too), and that Britain now has a government.

This government was elected (mostly) freely and (mostly) honestly and its parliamentary members were elected by more than half the votes cast, so it’s actually as democratic as all get out.

The purpose of government is to govern for the common good rather than to glorify this party or that ideology, and this government is barely formed and hasn’t done anything yet in office to disapprove of. I (in common with Republicans in the USA who variously offer or are exhorted to wish any new Democrat President well especially throughout the fabulous 100-day honeymoon period) should show some good grace, accept both the polls and the resulting coalition, hope as some people of goodwill already hope that something positive may come of this, stop sulking and wish the new rulers well for the good of us all. Were all in this together, after all.

Being nothing if not full of benevolence and Christian charity for my fellow men and a true patriot who puts nation before ideology, I am more than happy to go along with this kindly advice.

Good luck Dave and Nick.

Wasn’t that fun? Now, back to business.

The Right in all its forms lost last Thursday, and there is little sign that anyone in the Tory Party above the level of Deputy Assistant Churchill Yearner is even thinking of the possibility of reversing its Leftwards gallop into the hands of the libtards who control almost all levels of state and society.

It doesn’t really matter now whether Cameron is simply a fool whose sincere campaign of compromising conservatism out of existence in the pursuit of office merely went wrong (with a lot of help from UKIP and, ahem, from Another Party that is never mentioned by our owners without spitting), or if he was and remains a thoroughgoing liberal who planned from the get-go to take the Conservative and Unionist Party to The Place Of The Two Half Bricks.

In the event, faced with the opportunity to form a minority government that depended upon ongoing LibDem support, Cameron looked Clegg in the eye and went for the more ambitious choice of a formal coalition. He could have discussed our country with Clegg and said ‘I’m going for this list of measures to save Britain, tell me which of them can you support and let’s do those first, and let battle commence when we’ve finished them.’

But no, he went for bringing the whole sandal-wearing, lentil-munching lot into a full share of government with him. Faced with remembering and cherishing true conservatism as one of the groupings within his own party and thus something to respect and offer hope to on the one hand and hopping aboard the ‘progressive bandwagon’ on the other, Cameron hopped without anyone having to say ‘frog’ at all loudly.

Which should surely mean that even the dimmest of hereditary inbred Right-wing Tory optimists must be able to look up from their banjos at this stage and realise that Cameron and Clegg have no intention of straying far from each other in any significant way, and thus the probability of Clark Cameron stepping out of his Daily Planet reporter’s suit and fighting for the Truth, Justice and British Values of true conservatism is as statistically probable as getting tickets for Satan’s Ice Extravaganza.

Those of us with more than one full set of grandparents spotted this problem years ago but it takes more than a skunk in the outhouse to get the backwoods True Blues off the porch and into the woods after those pesky Leftie varmints for a bit of payback.

More than one skunk is coming: never fear.

The official Liberal Democrats are now preparing to use the Conservative Party as a condom with which to treat the British people like unto our first Green MP’s electorate whilst Cameron clearly plans to use the Lib Dem MPs as a barrier to practice safe corporatism free from any risk of infection from the deadly Thatcher or Enoch viruses.

What went wrong for the Tory Right, or right for us Kippers, the EDs, and the BNP? (Let’s not quibble about their economic policies or leadership here: it’s a patriotic party at base if nothing else.) Well, obviously the Right is no longer unified and that’s in part down to Cameron and his pinko infiltrators. It’s also down to New Labour’s successful campaign of fracturing the common front of patriotism, trust in the leadership class, popular concerns about national security (where a common instinct in now ‘bring the boys home’ instead of ‘stand up to the enemy and keep him fighting overseas instead of on the beaches and in the streets’), and poisoning or deleting the unionist values that held around 40% of the working class to vote Tory in the Thatcher years.

It goes deeper than that as I have long been taught by my betters: it’s the culture. What the United Left including the Cameroons are growing on the agar jelly of Britain is nothing at all like love of country, freedom and tradition.

Conservatism and anything like it’s in the cellar mostly, however, because there simply aren’t enough of us capable of forming a governing party or coalition the way things are organised just now. I should know: I helped after all to divide the Right’s electorate with malice aforethought.

That is the least of our worries, and I did campaign for a result like this because the Tory party needs to be shriven if not irreparably split or destroyed: I’m not sure yet which.

I take it back.

Last Thursday wasn’t the defeat of the Right in Britain: it merely recognised the fact that we have long been beaten and the electorate tattooed it on our national backside for all the world to see.

There is hope, always hope, and I believe much we can do, and of that more soon, but right now my dartboard is showing a bit of pink around the hairline and one eye is still pretty much intact.

Picture from here.

Gnostic fudge: a Demiurge confused

Coincidentally, Dumb Jon also takes a dim view of the Cameron Triumph in his latest post.

It reads a bit like a Norman Tebbit analysis would if Lord Tebbit let his hair down and just wrote what he really thinks about something and when he’s not toning it down because he’s considering party discipline and party loyalty in the face of the United Left.

Oh, wait.

Norman Tebbit doesn’t do toning it down because of party discipline and party loyalty.
Here he is mentioning only the national interest and the long-term welfare of conservatism in Britain.

I see from the bottom (you should excuse the expression) of The Telegraph page that the openly gay male A-List candidates and the disgraced ex-soldiers from ethnic minorities flopped and the Tory crony community seems to have gone south.

So much for pinko victimology.

The millionaire businesswoman who describes her lesbianism as 'incidental' and the Ugandan Asian woman who's in favour of the death penalty and who worked with the Referendum Party (The Referendum Party! Unclean and uncleanable, surely in the Cameron world view?) before going back to the Tories, and also the black banker have swept to office with stonking majorities however.

I’ve got to say that I’m disappointed with the Tories in Stourbridge, Witham and Surrey East.

Where’s all the frothing-mouthed racism and machete-wielding homophobia that Cameron and his official and unofficial Leftie pals always ascribe to those of us with Right-wing views?

Incidentally, where also is the new-found hatred of the evil bankers that we are all supposed to feel now that iDave's top advisers have discovered that Dodgy Mortgages Are Bad For Britain?

But it goes a little further than that, I think.

Perhaps conservatives both inside and outside the Tory party have some arcane, sinister agenda which they will vote for in bus-loads but with which Cameron can’t quite get in touch nationwide?

Might such virtually impenetrable Gnostic mysteries include: being proud of and successful at wealth creation; supporting the death penalty; Euroscepticism and just plain getting on with it and trying to make the world better no matter how rude some strangers are in this fallen world?

Curious.

For want of a nail

GC Cooper kindly points out in a comment below that the awesome EU Referendum blog has done the maths on where UKIP (plus the similarly anti-EU and anti-immigration but with Left-wing economic policies BNP) may have prevented Tories from getting an absolute majority in the Commons.

Perhaps my fellow 'Kippers' foot calluses were worth something somewhere in our once-proud province.
Castle City, alas, was not such a seat, where Mister Cameron's parachutist did alright for himself.

David Cameron: a clarification

As the election results continue to pour in and the prospect of a Cameron-led Tory coalition government becomes ever more likely, I’d like to take this opportunity to clarify my beliefs about the man and his policies.

I have noticed that a number of you disapprove of Mister Cameron’s thoroughly modernized and forward-looking conservatism. Worse still, some of you seem to think that I am in some way fundamentally opposed to his Great Project of building a better society; shorn of its ancient abuses and all those fuddy-duddy limitations on political power and personal achievement and happiness by putting this country at the heart of a democratic Europe in the great traditions that continue to this day to be given to us by the Greeks.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I have nothing but personal admiration for this fine man who, against all the odds, and with no more than a private education and wealthy background to help him set out in life, plus six enlightening months working in the private sector before public duty called to him, chose to offer nation and party a new way in the way of newness that only conservatism might bring and chose to drag the Conservatives out of its mire of: petty nationalism; its obsession with lower taxation; its puritanical flirtations with notions around limiting the use of mind altering drugs or interfering with the growth of new and exciting forms of marriage. He has single-handedly rescued our great corner of the European Union from the backwater status that the pure isolationism that freer trade with the rest of the planet would impose upon us. He has finally validated and institutionalized the simple truth that concerned peoples’ feeling about the environment are too important to allow narrow-minded climatologists to deny both the existence of Global Warming and its principally man-made origins.

In addition to a personal liking for the man for his cool charm when interviewed and the common touch which he displays on all occasions when agreeing with the fundamental world view of the Left and liberal mainstream, above all I respect his sheer courage in facing down the all-powerful Tory Establishment and reducing its outmoded emphasis on preserving ancient institutions and guarding our national life from the obvious need for root-and-branch change to a sad and defeated rump, sulking on the periphery.

If I hadn’t owed an hereditary gambling debt to the local chairman of the UK Independence Party, I am certain that I would have spend six days a week every week since Easter electioneering for Mister Cameron’s compassionate and thoroughly progressive agenda.

I am sure that when and if a Greece-like economic meltdown comes to Britain, Mister Cameron will immediately fly to the European Union to request on our behalf whatever mitigation of its regulations and fiscal regime might be necessary to protect the economy of these little islands, and to bring home the best possible deal for Britain that the governments of France and Germany decide is in our best interests to be permitted.

Finally, I want to put down now and for evermore the rumour that I ever, anywhere, described David Cameron as ‘A dissembling compulsive political turncoat who can’t pass a British national interest or historic institution without selling it out, and who couldn’t conserve a fart even with a Ken Clarke-sized butt plug superglued inside him.’

Thank you.

Picture from here.

VC Day

My previous post threw up a question that I’d like to answer in a bit of detail.

Anonymous Confused, Angus said...

Having always been a natural Tory supporter and living in Scotland (not a nice position to be in) I'm in a quandary. The Angus constituency should be a straight fight between the SNP and the Conservatives. Normally, it would be a no-brainer. But I'm as pissed off as everyone else with Cameron and had intended voting UKIP. Should I vote UKIP to help their share of the vote or go for the Tories to get the Fife f*$@wit out of power? If a Lib-Lab coalition delivers PR, what would be the point in future of holding centre-right or right wing views?

There are lots of ways by which natural Tory voters can respond to Cameron’s apostasy, and a UKIP vote is only one of them: one, of course, I hope that you’ll take.

If you look at the Peter Hitchens’ blog here you’ll see that he expounds the theory that the Tory party is irredeemably broken and corrupt and needs destroying so conservatives can change their allegiances to form some kind of party or party coalition. This could win power and use it to reverse the Leftwards ratchet effect of all postwar governments bar one (in places), especially in the social sphere.

Now I’m not sure whether C & U P’s utter destruction is the only answer, though I’m mortally certain that a thorough scourging is needed and a new Lib Lab pact should do that. Then the Tories might have a palace coup and throw out Cameron and all the post-Howard Lefty wimpishness and offer something different and identifiably conservative to which the old base might flock along with some of the working class Tories on whom Churchill and Thatcher depended when the Oxbridge toffs and the cricket club boys wimped out and went all appeasy and Europhile respectively.

But by then - say three years or so into a Lib Lab pact that gets PR through - such a scourging would not only help the new Tories, but also any non-Conservative party offering patriotic, traditionalist, anti Big State solutions for those people for whom the word ‘Conservative’ is anathema could gain seats or add more seats to Buckingham? Castle City? Somewhere in Gloucestershire? I think that UKIP could be, or could form the kernel of, a new party whose natural coalition partners would be a reformed C & U P and maybe the Unionists.

Call it the Freedom Party, or Family, or just plain United Kingdom Party.

On the other hand, a Cameron-led Tory majority after May 6th would likely:

A) not be much different from New Labour anyway, and therefore,

B) not even start to fix the wrecked economy. It would also be in office when the country changes from merely heading south and being third-rate to Southern Hemisphere/Third World economically and politically, such as having to deal with brown out and blackouts due to lack of energy investment, and the insupportable cost of having to continue to pay our VE Day generation their government final salary pensions from funds (where they are funded at all!) with the Stock Market in the cellar at a time during Obama’s second term when the US economy is being turned over to full-scale industrial sandal production fuelled by the cheap, clean and sustainable use of lentil bakes.

I can’t see the Germans having enough cash or any will at all to bail us out then, and the word ‘Conservative’ would be mud for more than a single generation, like the Tories after the Jacobite rebellion of 1715-1716

Bottom line, Anonymous Confused, Angus, is that I believe that, as empty threats go, Cameron’s “Send me to Downing Street or you’ll get another Leftie Big State Tax-troughing politically correct federast Liverpool-on-Thames” is right down there with “Drop the gun, copper, or the paedophile gets it.”

Tory BSE

The wheels are coming off Cameron’s bandwagon.

Some of the cleverest people on the Right have been taken in by him, but will it last?

How can someone who’s so right about the political class and all they have wrought against us be so wrong in the conclusions he draws about what needs to be done?

Here’ Peter Oborne earlier this year.

There is a certain type of bovine political intelligence which hates David Cameron. It cannot forgive the Tory leader his popularity, his beautiful wife, his upper-middle-class ease — and above all his astonishing success in rebuilding the Conservative party. The core criticism works like this: David Cameron is an empty and opportunistic former PR executive, interested only in power for its own sake, utterly devoid of ideas let alone principles, morally indistinguishable from Tony Blair, and in the pocket of Rupert Murdoch.

Moo, I suppose.

He goes on…

But it is partly for these very reasons that Cameron has been able to rescue Conservatism from the angry factionalism and relentless search for ideological purity of ten years ago. Cameron recognises that great political parties tend to be coalitions.

So he has created an environment where Kenneth Clarke and William Hague can both occupy major positions in the same shadow Cabinet, and where social liberals like Michael Gove can rub shoulders with social conservatives like Iain Duncan Smith. Of course, this kind of co-existence involves compromise and, sometimes, lack of clarity.

And on…

David Cameron has also substantially repudiated the legacy of Margaret Thatcher. He calls himself a ‘one-nation Tory’ — the label chosen by her opponents. It is worth recalling, however, that circumstances obliged Thatcher to be a centraliser, who worked against the grain of the traditional British state..

And on…

Cameron’s own political philosophy predates Thatcher and, for that matter, Heath. It can be traced back to a purer school of Conservatism which was first articulated by Burke, reached its apotheosis with Disraeli and Baldwin, and appeared to have died out when Macmillan left office in 1963. This kind of Conservatism sees itself as above class or faction and profoundly believes that it acts only in the national interest. This is why Cameron says again and again that he feels as profound a sense of responsibility for the poor and the unprivileged as New Labour claims to do. It’s just that he believes that New Labour’s target-setting, centralised edicts, and top-down government have failed miserably.

So a Cameron Tory party will seek to restore the local structures of the British state that have been wiped out over the last 50 years, and rebuild our great institutions, above all the family, which have been undermined by New Labour. He believes that only society, and emphatically not the state, can solve Britain’s most wicked problems of crime, poverty and so on.

He has come into politics out of a sense of personal service and duty. He believes in self-reliance, patriotism and personal independence. He will not, as Tony Blair did, abuse his office for personal enrichment. He will not be intoxicated, as Blair was, by power for its own sake. He will not go weak at the knees when he meets an American president or international tycoon. He may very well fail, but he is rooted in a very clear and purely British set of values. I can think of no Conservative leader who stands so squarely in the Tory intellectual, social, moral and political tradition.

Actually, I can only guess that somewhere along the line Oborne went native and started accepting the liberal/statist flummery that he has anatomized so well in The Triumph of the Political Class.

I mean, if Cameron had indeed spent the years of his leadership above class or faction exposing the uber-centralism of the New Labour state and its fans throughout what passes for the liberal intellectual world, or acting as if he profoundly believes that it acts only in the national interest by recognizing those institutions such as the European Union and international Greenery as hostile and repudiating their internationalist and anti-freedom missions, rather than parachuting further representatives of the urban elite into constituencies as ‘Conservative’ candidates, he might have spread the message to the actual voters.

He might have done what Mrs. Thatcher did and make national bankruptcy seem like a bad thing that we need radical action to overcome , and that welfare dependency and the bureaucratic takeover of much of what passes for family life in Britain as a result of Left-liberals’ ideology of relative poverty was causing more problems that it solved, and so he might have built up a constituency of people in this country robust enough in their recognition of reality and their understanding of what needs to be done despite the hurt and the opposition from the state producer-groups in the unions, ministries, and quangos. Such a constituency might have stood by him, and helped him out when things got tough.They might have had the gumption to hold to common sense and stand with a truly conservative Cameron.

Instead, he plumped for the whole liberal mind-set in order not to upset anybody and get other, non-conservative people on-board and so his would-be ministers were allowed to side with the social workers and praise what they actually do.

And if you make yourself out to be a phony liberal, and you don’t try to make other people appreciate actual conservative policies by, you know, actually leading, then what happens when a real liberal with a pretty face and a slick line of patter gets on the telly?

A YouGov poll for The Sun showed the Lib Dems on 33 per cent, the Tories on 32 and Labour on 26.

It is the first time that the party has been ahead in a poll during a general election campaign.

It will cause further concern for Labour and the Conservatives. Both parties have turned on the Lib Dems after Nick Clegg’s success in the first of three TV prime ministerial debates.

But if the results were repeated at the election it would mean (that Labour would mean)sic that the Tories would have the most seats, with 244.

Despite being six points behind the Tories and seven behind the Liberal Democrats, Labour would have 243 seats.

The Lib Dems would get just 134, leaving them the powerbrokers in a hung parliament.

Support for the Lib Dems has surged since Mr Clegg’s performance in the first televised debate on Thursday.

That’s what you get for pretending to be something that your supporters don’t really want in the hope that someone else’s constituency (soggy Liberal Democrats) will vote for you.

When the Real Thing comes along, they’ll vote for that.

Vote for me, I’m a liberal really is now looking, even in the mainstream media, as exactly what we on the gun-nut rec-room armoury Right said it would become all along: about as successful a rallying cry as Let’s get out there men, and die like flies, and Cameron’s environment where Kenneth Clarke and William Hague can both occupy major positions in the same shadow Cabinet, and where social liberals like Michael Gove can rub shoulders with social conservatives like Iain Duncan Smith seems set to end up resembling the utterly self-deluding wishful thinking enterprise that it is.

And so after the General Election is over and proportional representation threatens to put the Lib Dems into power forever, we can relax at last for a night in front of the telly courtesy of Bob’s Betamax Emporium and feast on a fast food takeaway from Bernie’s World of Liver.

And the world burns.

Picture from here.