Moron oxide - the sweet smell of success

Quite straight-facedly (monkey’s bollock though that face resembles), and being no stranger to hilarious irony, the BBC provides a showplace for our corrupt and useless political class (Labour Division) to offer excuses for its abject, knowing, and deadly failures of morality, duty, and courage.

No excuses' over family's deaths

There were "no excuses" for failings which contributed to the deaths of a mother and daughter who were hounded by youths, the home secretary has said.

Fiona Pilkington, 38, killed herself and Francecca Hardwick in a burning car after years of abuse on their estate.

An inquest jury said Leicestershire Police and two councils had not handled complaints from the family properly.

In much the same way that, for example, the UK Labour Party and Conservative Party did not handle the rise of fascism and Nazism properly between 1933 and 1940.

Alan Johnson said the agencies were wrong to regard such anti-social behaviour as "low-level crime".

The Independent Police Complaints Commission is to investigate the handling of the case.

Speaking to BBC News, Mr Johnson said: "This should never have happened and there are no excuses for this and there can be no excuses for this.

"This is an example of a complacency that we are determined to eradicate wherever it is."

Dosed with a new blend of sodium pentothal and Rohypnol, he added: “We’ve only been in office for 12 years and so now, having put our unique talents to work in the education, health, and benefits systems, we now move forward onto the broad, sunlit uplands of the pre-election months to notice that some people break not only the tolerant taboos of diverse and liberal free speechers, but also laws, windows, hearts and minds- some of them belonging to really quite unimportant people, but still, every little helps.”

Speaking about the anti-social behaviour the family experienced, he added: "In Fiona Pilkington's case there was insufficient attention to this, it was classified as low level when it is high level if you are experiencing it, that is for sure."

While accepting that the police had made improvements in the past two years, Mr Johnson said the fact remained the existing powers had not been used properly.

"It is the police's job, along with the local authority and social services and housing and all the rest of it, to ensure that people are not driven to the kind of despair Fiona Pilkington was driven to.

“Our dozen years running down the prisons system and the whole ideas of incarceration and punishment have no more to do with this kind of savagery as, say, unprotected promiscuous sex has to do with venereal diseases and pregnancy rates.”

"She did that terrible thing because she felt at her wits' end and she had to get a message to someone and if we go through a load of excuses about this we will not tackle the root problem."

Forensic examination tent at Earl Shilton

The bodies were found in the burning car in October 2007

Mr Johnson added: "I take my responsibilities seriously here.

Okay, okay. Calm down at the back there. Hysterical laughter is undignified. Wipe your tears, put your teeth back in, and read on.

"I'm concerned that we've coasted a bit on anti-social behaviour…

Well spotted. You’ve also spent a bit, borrowed a bit, and got into a scrap or two. But let’s not exaggerate any of this, shall we?

We need to ensure now that right across the country there are consistent standards."

Oh, I think that outside Islington and certain areas of Gloucestershire, you’ll find the scuffers unwilling to provide any time for observing, recording, and preventing mob violence and class hatred.

I think it’s officially called ‘persecution in the community,’ or some such.

Conservative leader David Cameron said it was "an absolutely horrific case" which raised questions for both the police and the council.

"But also we have had a decade of a Labour Government telling us about anti-social behaviour legislation and instructions and orders to the police and it just isn't working," he said.

"We've got to get rid of the police paperwork, we've got to get them back on the streets, we've got to make them feel empowered to intervene and clear these people off the streets and make them accountable locally so there are consequences if they don't deliver."

“And therefore I pledge my administration to closing down the Probation Service and most open prisons and the Children’s Minister and spending the money on new prisons and borstals. I will oblige magistrates and judges to operate ‘a one chance and then you’re inside’ policy for all acts of violence, domestic damage, threats and housebreaking, and parole will begin only after ¾ of any sentence for violence, abuse, and illegal entry to homes.”

Say, didn’t Pink Floyd do an album cover reminiscent of the likelihood of this?

Yeah.

The inquest at Loughborough Town Hall heard Ms Pilkington, her daughter and her son, Anthony, who has severe dyslexia, suffered more than 10 years of harassment and threats from a gang of teenagers living on their street in Barwell.

10 years during which a harmless woman and her poor distressed daughter and son were vilely persecuted, insulted, intimidated, threatened and abused, and during which time they received exactly no help from strutting ‘police officers’ in their comic opera uniforms poncing around like banana republic generalissimos, council officers drew their wages and ignored the many complaints.

The only upside of this tragedy is that it brings this issue into the open

Mark Golding, Mencap

Mencap will, of course, be calling for the public birching of those found guilty of insulting the mentally handicapped.

The council has admitted the Simmons family, who live nearby and are thought to be among those involved, still cause trouble in the area. When asked by the BBC if his children bore any responsibility for the deaths, the father said: "That's for the authorities to decide."

Werl, he don’t know what responserbilitty means, do he, poor lamb?

Ms Pilkington is believed to have poured the contents of a 10-litre can of petrol over clothes in the back seat of the car, and set them alight.

The jury found Ms Pilkington killed herself and her daughter "due to the stress and anxiety regarding her daughter's future, and ongoing anti-social behaviour".

The jury foreman said the police's response had had an impact on Ms Pilkington's decision to unlawfully kill her daughter and commit suicide.

Relatives described how Ms Pilkington had complained for years about youths "taunting and abusing" her at her home, but six months before her death had told them "I give up".

Temporary Chief Constable Chris Eyre of Leicestershire Police said he was "extremely sorry" that police failed to help Ms Pilkington and her daughter.

Mark Golding, chief executive of Mencap, said "hate crime" against people with learning disabilities was common and should be taken as seriously as racial abuse.

He added: "I think this case will be the wake-up call that gives it that kind of profile.

"Until now it's been seen as low-level, it's being treated as misbehaviour and people's lives are being ruined as a result."

Here it comes. The stocks for spaz-bashers, for sure, right?

Mr Golding said more education about disabilities was needed in schools, and authorities needed to work together to support people with learning difficulties and stop a similar tragedy happening again.

He added: "The only upside of this tragedy is that it brings this issue into the open."

The filth who did this aren’t in any schools, Mark Golding, you witless oaf.

They’ve been truanting almost all their lives from schools that are now free of all authority, sanction, respect, or power to compel attendance, thanks to thinking like yours. You and your tribe did this – caused it – it’s your soft-headed, soft-power, soft-option system, Mister Golding. You’re not too far from the political ‘authorities yourself’, are you?* What expertise or knowledge of life in, or on the edge, of underclass ‘neighbourhoods’ can you possibly have?

However, it does lead us quite nicely to the BBC’s political class mantra. They’re actually going to allow comments on this story and so must think that they’re onto a winner.

Have you suffered from disability discrimination? Do you live in Barwell? Have you been affected by the issues raised in this story? Tell us your experiences using the form below.

A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location unless you state otherwise in the box below.

They can only think - if that’s not too strong an expression – and confront this problem (which certainly is too strong an expression) in terms of a clash of competing victimhoods.

You see, Francecca Hardwick wasn’t burned by her distraught and desperate mother as the result of 10 years of barbarians persecuting them in their home and the utter abdication of the authorities from their paid and, in the police’s case, sworn duties – far from it.

She died because some individuals still don’t understand people with ‘learning difficulties.’

*How much of this is truly voluntary rather than from local and national government and quangos?

I don’t know.

But let’s look at Watford Mencap, shall we? You need page 13.

To be fair, the pulp fiction formerly known that the conservative Daily Telegraph lets him spout his victimhood poker line here.

Illustration from here.

Britain freezes over

In Hell, according to Dante, the lowest depth of the innermost circle of the Inferno is reserved for traitors.

Even the shades of those who have betrayed some duty or trust are discriminated between and graded in a diverse and degraded hierarchy of evil.

From bad to worst it goes:

Betrayers of kinsfolk;

Betrayers of polity, nation or state;

Betrayers of guests;

Betrayers of lords and benefactors.

Why be hung up – ha ha! – on the words of some homophobic foreign Papist whilst sitting here with mild backache in the sunlit uplands of the enlightened Twenty-First Century after the birth of some dead white Zionist?

Why, indeed, when I myself surely wouldn’t make it out of Hell’s reception room, if lucky, and would probably be roasting and toasting and enshrined in a tomb a bit further Downstairs myself?

Because some truths are universal, and they’re often expressed in literature, and they’re not all about nice stuff like getting married eventually.

The ancients and medieval folk weren’t just down on sin because they’d been brainwashed by the patriarchal military-workshop complex and lacked community organisers: they did it because thousands of generations of rural and city life had taught them that certain attitudes of mind generate behaviour that harms individuals and the polity a t large.

And it’s still true.

Via the Ranting Penguin and Julia amongst others, here’s real-life sin from fewer web pages than you have digits on one hand.

Betrayers of kinsfolk;

Gang torment woman 'sat in dark'

A woman who died inside her burning car with her disabled daughter would sit in the dark listening to the gang that tormented them, an inquest heard.

And

Despite police requests, Hinckley and Bosworth Borough Council had no record of the problems, the hearing was told.

Council officer Tim Butterworth, who was responsible for dealing with anti-social behaviour, said he had "no concerns" with the situation.

Rugged individualism can be fine on some levels, but I think that at some deep level even the most doctrinaire Objectivists and natural-rights libertarians (who tend to be hyper-ethical in their private lives and public dealings, despite my newfound conservative prejudices) believe in something like common humanity – we may not owe a living to our healthy fellow-men, but in some ways they are our kin: and as such do not deserve to be left alone to be tormented. If this isn’t kin betraying kin, then it’s close enough for the authorities to be damnable, if not actually damned.

Betrayers of polity, nation or state;

Anti-social behaviour 'not police job'

A senior police officer told the inquest into the deaths of a family terrorised by a gang of youths that it was not the responsibility of police to tackle anti-social behaviour.

And

Earlier Ms Davison, assistant deputy coroner for Leicestershire and Rutland, asked whether Mr Butterworth remembered a meeting with a police officer.

She said: "The police officer wanted an anti-social behaviour order and as the best course of action to issue an anti-social behaviour warning. "He appears to want action from the council and he appears to want you to take action. Do you remember this?"

Mr Butterworth replied: "I don't think we have that statement anywhere."

Is Britain better or worse off for these ‘authorities?’

Betrayers of guests;

Hundreds of children are going missing from Britain's care homes and foster families each year, many falling victim to violent and sexual abuse, prostitution and drug addiction.

And

She tempered her unhappiness at a new foster home by drinking a lot of White Lightning cider, ran away and spent time in a children's home. The situation was exacerbated by sexual abuse from a carer, her rape by an older man who liked to prey on vulnerable children's home girls, and dropping out of school without GCSEs.

If fostered children and children in care aren’t guests, then what in heaven’s name are they?

Betrayers of lords and benefactors.

At the inquest into the pair's deaths yesterday, Superintendent Steve Harrod, head of criminal justice at Leicestershire Police, acknowledged that the criminal justice system was set up to avoid sending juveniles to prison.

He said police officers were only allowed to issue warnings to young troublemakers unless their behaviour was judged to be serious.

"I'm not sure if people know but low-level anti-social behaviour is mainly the responsibility of the council"

Supt Harrod suggested that officers got "frustrated with not being able to do some things".

"From my personal experience, if a juvenile goes into detention, they are likely to mix with like-minded people during their time there and they are more likely to reoffend."

And

For really improved outcomes, residential care and foster care need to be transformed. "Residential care needs to be top notch and that's expensive," said Wes Cuell, director of children's services at the NSPCC.

Look at your next wage slip or, if self-employed, your next tax return. Compare the top lines and bottom line and note the difference. Remember how residential carers, foster carers, police, social workers and local authority antisocial behaviour officers are paid, and by whom.

Who then are these armies’ lords and benefactors, if not us?

Now, we are supposed to endure endless taxes and regulations and criminal records checks and dutifully put our ticks in ethnicity boxes of various forms and scrawl X’s into other boxes twice a decade to change not even the guard at Buckingham Palace. We have to dawdle and daydream in pubs until our huddled friends come in from the rain after a cigarette, and we have to watch our soldiers’ coffined homecomings from their just and much-needed but under-strength and ill-supplied service overseas.

And we have to mind our Ps and Q’s and be lectured when we vote for the wrong people by the shamans of the very tribe that abolished punishment in the first place.

I can see why treachery is the worst sin of all in Dante’s imagination.

To take the name of kinsman: of protector; to become both public servant and recipient of public funds; to assume the rank and titles and respect and uniforms of guardians and to inexpertly wield the power of legitimate force and to fail on every level of your duty is sin, pure and simple.

It causes harm to the human family of your neighbours, to the guests in the institutions of child protection, to the country’s peace and prosperity, and to the very people who pay for your comfortable living.But for now; it’s someone else who’s being punished.

Mind how you go, sinners

Outrageous plagiarism, Part Three.

More lazy holiday-time linking today to other people's hard-researched and original posts from Wikio's most linked-to political blog bar 133.
Today's the day once more for the lovely Julia.

Hmm.

South Yorkshire must be a haven of peace, tranquillity and order for their police to be able to take this kind of intimate step and thus provide ever more intimate personal services to its no doubt expanding pedestrian population.

Once the populace is fully pedestrianised and using exclusively approved green public transport and for essential journeys only - such as to the graveside or to attend peaceful anti-racist demonstrations - I expect the SYPD (motto: "To overprotect and dictate") to start educating its newly fitter, slimmer and all-schlepping footsoldiers of the tax stream about and sanctioning them for other crime-inducing antisocial behaviours of which they have, until this enlightened age, been guilty.

Such social crimes might include displaying valuable consumer goods in uncurtained rooms during the working day and thus bringing temptation to South Yorkshire's no-doubt justly aggrieved youth. Also the unpardonable sin of walking unaccompanied at night whilst attractive and female will probably be punished fairly soon and very often while meantime the Pennine Stasi check any remaining private sector glove compartments for tell-tale signs of possessions and other suspect stuff.

Hill Street Rainbows

You want silly?
I've got silly.

Lancashire Police hits targets on minority staff
Lancashire Police have exceeded targets for the number of ethnic minority and female staff they have recruited.



Roll call. East Lancashire police station. 6 AM

Desk Sergeant. ‘Alright. Listen up. Sergeant Jekyll won’t be on duty today -’ boos and cat calls from the Day Shift police officers - ‘Stomach problems;he drank something that agreed with me. I’m Sergeant Hyde and I’ll be standing in for him today so if you were going to say it to him, or do it to him' - jeers and ribaldry - ‘ Then tell it to me, or do it to me. I’ll be sure to pass anything you say on once he’s on our feet again.
After the briefing I’ll be taking a voluntary cash collection for those of you wishing to buy him a get-well-soon gift which I confidently expect will be 100% of you and that goes double for the Siamese Twins -...
What? Sorry, I mean that ' that goes double for the Conjoined Twins' in the Equestrian Unit.
Now here’s Inspector T with the Night Shift briefing.’

‘ 'TANK YOU, SERCHENT HYDE. OFFICERS THE-IMPALER UND SPIKE HAFF TO REPORT ZAT DER ACCRINGTON FLASHER VILL NO LONKER POSE ANY SREAT TO DER WIMMIN OFF DER TOWN - AT LEAST NOT UNTIL SUNDOWN ON THURSDAY NIGHT. DETECTIVE-CORPUSCLE SPIKE HAS ASKED IF ANYVUN OF DER CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY VILL LIASE VIZ DER CRICKET TEAM UND VISIT DER LATE FLASHER IN DER MORTUARY VIZ SCHTUMPS UND MALLET BEFORE THURSDAY NIGHT? T listens for a moment.
YES? GOOD. 'TANK YOU CONSTABLES PINOCCHIO UND JIMMINY. GOOD CO-OPERATION FROM DER TESTIMONY VERIFICATION UND ETHICS DIVISION ZERE.
ASS YOU VILL BE AWARE, I AM SOON TO BE TAKING SIX WEEKS LEAF FOR LANCASHIRE CONSTABULARY'S DIVERSITY REPROGRAMMING, UND SO I VILL BE UNAVAILABE FOR SIEGE UND ARMED INCIDENTS FOR A WHILE, BUT' -cheers and laughter - ' I'LL BE BACK. ALRIGHT, ZAT'S IT, GET ROLLING UND....
HEY.HEY.HEY!
LET'S BE TERMINAL OUR ZERE.'

But figures also show that the force has difficulty in getting people from ethnic minorities to apply for jobs.

Pendle Hill. 08.35 AM.

Constables Stein and Oliver ignored the werewolf thrashing and howling in its cage in the locked and parked-up patrol van as they stumbled wearily up the hill .
Stein's shirt was already sweat-soaked and they were only one third of the way to the top. The hot sunny weather of an already bright summer's morning was ideal for this kind of pursuit as these were precisely the sort of conditions that would bring their target out into the open. Managing four seafood restaurants in Padstow hadn't prepared him at all for his new duties after he was swept up in Lancashire Constabulary's aggressive minorities recruitment drive, and Jamie's laddish smells-like-fish jokes were beginning to get on his nerves.
Winded, Stein rested on his haunches behind a dry stone wall.
There came a dry, tapping rattle from just up ahead as if from a pair of skeletal hands typing out Morse code on coconut shells, and then an electronic humming started up as if powerful alien energies were being uploaded into an advanced weapon system. Oliver took a look through the binoculars but it took some time for his eyes which had been befuddled by ultra-smart stealth technology to pinpoint the wavering, silvery silhouette of the unearthly man-hunter crouched amongst scrubby hedging by the lane.
'He's one ugly mother fucker just as Gordon Ramsey said,' chirped the cockney super chef cheerfully. 'I don't know why the Chief Constable thinks so much of us though; nor why he wants celebrity chefs on his force anyway.'
Stein though for a while. 'I think it's scarcity value lad. Also who knows what it would be like if they ever gathered us together in the same place with Anthony and Delia and Ainsley and Nigella ? It'd guess something akin to 30 Days of Night with sun dried tomatoes and basil.'
'Unchecked, I suppose we are a bit of a headache to those in authority. Britain can only support half a dozen or so super-chefs without ruining what's left of the economy,' agreed Oliver, checking the magazine of his Heckler and Koch. 'Maybe he wants to thin our numbers a bit too and chasing this creature's his way of doing it.'
'That's just what I thought. The fewer we are, the higher the prestige for having us on his force.'
'You should have told him so at the passing-out parade then,' replied Oliver, lashing a grenade to his spear and smearing himself with Pendle's thick, heat-insulating mud.
'I did,' Stein muttered, notching a fire arrow onto his bowstring, 'I told him we aren't aspirins and we don't do this kind of work.'
As they crawled through gorse bushes and worked their way around the contour of the hill towards the skull-polishing invader, Stein ponded the likelihood of success even if they survived and captured it alive. Both predator and werewolf were intelligent enough in their own ways so training shouldn't be a problem , but persuading them to hand out parking tickets without killing anyone was going to be a real bitch.

A police authority report says the county constabulary aimed to recruit six per cent of staff from black and ethnic minority ethnic groups, but in fact recruited 6.5 per cent. And the target of recruiting 40 per cent female staff was exceeded as 40.5 per cent joined over the same period.

Towneley Park, Burnley.11.37 AM.

The Inspector stared down at his favourite detective ruefully.
He turned to the Chief Superintendent.
'She's got the biscuit Jack. I know she's got the biscuit. I saw her carrying the biscuit just a few minutes ago, and if we can get it to the Scenes Of Crime Officer quickly we'll have all the evidence we need to bring Mister butter-wouldn't-melt-in-his-mouth Fudd to court.'
'Jailing the Burnley Shredded Wheat Slasher will be a feather in your cap indeed Shrek,' agreed CS Sparrow; his head twitching sharply to the side with a barely-sane flash of oiled dreadlocks and brightly-painted Caribbean nut beads. 'The Chief Constable's never presided over a force that's brought an honest-to-God cereal killer to justice before.'
'Please don't blaspheme the Creator's name,' insisted the leggy, wide-jawed and very beautiful blonde woman standing with them.
'Apologies, Detective Sergeant. I forgot that your people are deeply religious.'
'Perhaps if I gave her a tummy-rub, I could persuade her to show us where she buried it?' mused Shrek aloud. 'What do you think, Lassie? Nice tummy rub and when you've shown us the biscuit we can take you over to meet Gromit if you like?' He moved to stroke the sniffer dog who was newly-promoted to plain-coat detective.
'And don't treat females as pets and playthings either,' added Caprica Six crossly in her Canadian-Cylon accent.

But although 20.8 per cent of application packs were sent out to black and ethnic minority individuals, only 12.2 per cent of the packs were returned.
County councillor Tony Jones said in the report: “The difficulty is getting black and ethnic minority candidates to apply. “Once they do apply they tend to do rather well compared to other groups.

The abandoned Nostromo Chippy and Kebab-house, Darwen. 17.48 PM.

'Well they're black alright Ellen - but can they control angry football crowds?' asked her superior officer.
The tall woman officer looked down at the squirming metallic things as they swarmed and wriggled and chittered in an armoured glass confinement pen inside a converted deep-fat fryer. 'Listen sir, Burnley FC's in the Premier League this season by a sheer fluke and everyone expects them to be beaten in nearly every game and humiliated in most of them and relegation back down to the Championship's all-but inevitable from day one. Riding herd on twenty thousand drunken and disappointed Dingles once a fortnight as they've staggered onto the streets after nineteen disastrous home to May is going to be no picnic.' She gazed into the pen as the rapidly-growing armoured creatures writhed like braided coils of polished coal and shot out needle-toothed inner mandibles from inside long, curved, eyeless heads.''We'll need force and lots of it for Operation Turf Out and these are the special constables who can supply that, so please don't second-guess me sir and let me do my job. I've gone to no end of trouble and some personal sacrifice to make this work.'
The Assistant Chief Constable stared at her questioningly.
'I meant I've actually spilt blood for this operation,' she explained, acidly.
'I'm sorry Ripley. I had no idea about that,' the ACC apologised.
'That's alright sir. It's just something I had to get off my chest.'

“We have a disappointing level of black and ethnic minority police community support officers in the constabulary, with only three per cent, and the Minorities Recruitment Team is taking active steps to address the issue.” Meanwhile the number of sergeants remained constant at 13 and the number of inspectors rose from five to six.

There is still only one black or ethnic minority chief inspector.

Senior Officers' Briefing Room adjacent to the office of the Chief Constable. Lancashire Constabulary Headquarters. 19.06 PM

'And in conclusion, though it's too early to show that this programme has improved the quality of actual policing in Lancashire, it is possible to demonstrate that Lancashire Constabulary already has the most diverse staffing of any major police service in England,' finished the Deputy Assistant Chief Constable.
'We've got him! We've got him!' cried the Chief Constable as he burst into the room, leading a short, wavy-haired man in a trenchcoat past the conference table. 'Let me introduce you to Inspector McLeod, lately of New York.' The newcomer inclined his head at the very much younger men and women of the Senior Management Team.
'McCloud, as in the the famous New Mexico detective who did so much to clear up crime despite the cynical, demoralized and weary police of New York City in the 1970s?' asked Head Six from inside the Deputy Assistant Chief Constable's fevered and libidinous imagination.
'Inspector McLeod is an internationally renowned antiques expert,' explained the Chief Constable to all present; real or imaginary, 'Who specialises in identifying ancient weapons: especially swords.' He went on: 'In terms of diversity, he will be absolutely the jewel in Lancashire's crown.'
'Helping with SOCOs with forensics in stabbing incidents, I suppose?' asked the ACC, rather doubtfully.
'No, no! Think man: think! Minorities is the name of the game here - minorities! And what better or greater or more prestigious minority could this or any other county police service have than an individual who's unique?' He looked around at his deputies and assistants proudly. 'And I'm sure that you'll all agree that as uniqueness goes, being immortal by avoiding decapitation is pretty damned unique!'
'There can be only one,' affirmed Connor McLeod.

The Thirteenth Worrier. Flakes round-up #1

Victimhood Quidditch

It just got stupider.

Pagan police get solstice leave

Pagan officers will be able to join revellers at Stonehenge

Pagan police officers in some areas are being allowed to take as many as eight days leave a year for events such as the summer solstice and Halloween.

That would be from the bogus and unhistorical hodge-potch eight festivals of Wicca.

Pc Pardy is allowed to take eight days per year for Pagan events - which form part of his annual leave.

Pagans worship nature and believe in many gods and their practices include witchcraft and druidism.

Typical BBC non-research research here.

The largest single strand if British neopaganism is heathenry/Asatru/the Northern Tradition/Odinism. Despite being heavily Christianized today because that faith was successfully wiped out by the Church for a thousand years and it is only now revived as a modern minority cult. All that rape, pillage and slavery is out; nice parties with mead and oaths and cute little cakes with runes iced on them and gingerbread men and animals for hanging on Odin’s tree are in. I don’t suppose the Beeb will be rushing to interview many heathens any time soon. ‘Druidry’ (also revived from scratch but with much less documentary evidence and no scriptures) cherishes the Earth, Nature and like the copy-and-paste Wicca cares for the environment, emphasizes the sacred feminine and…

You can see how this is going.

Heathenry on the other hand refers specifically to known peoples who really existed, whose scriptures and histories were written down, and who inhabited particular areas and spoke certain languages and therefore whose descendants still live in identifiable communities today. These are called ‘countries.’

You can see how this is going too, I’d imagine.

Sure; some Odinist groups are, ahem, rather folkish and a bit too eager to show the world their recently-applied underarm deodorant (which compares favourably in the matter of personal hygiene with some of the crustier druids in my opinion), but even the majority of heathens who merely have a historical sense and modest patriotism aren’t going to find themselves with any sympathetic coverage from Auntie any time soon.

Original inhabitants? Ancient settlements? Anglo-Saxon kingdoms? The Danelaw? Don’t look for a substantial guide to modern Germanic religion in context from the BBC any time soon as their pages, though okay, neglect to mention nationality and any mention of shared patriotic sentiments altogether.

But sectarian bitching aside, look at the spirit in which this thing has been done.

It’s pure House of Dumb stuff.

The officers concerned could have gone into this with a positive attitude and have something worthy and brave to offer the public whom they serve and the police forces that pay their wages. Something like:

‘My religion gives me strength to work in a corrupt and dangerous world. My faith buoys up my morale when I see evil spoiling this ancient land and our wonderful world, and it arms me like the pagan warriors of old with the courage to persevere despite all setbacks to pursue justice and to protect these islands and preserve their holy sovereignty against all harm.’

Somehow I don’t think this is too high up on the agenda of the PPA.

I suspect it’s all about rights.
For rights, read ‘privileges.’

Superintendent Simon Hawkins, of Hertfordshire Police, said: "While balancing operational needs, the force's religion and beliefs policy gives all staff the choice of re-allocating the traditional Christian bank holiday festivals to suit their personal faith beliefs and this has been very well-received from a number of faith groups including Muslim and Jewish.

I can imagine it being perhaps convenient the some middle-ranking officers who concoct the duty rosters to have officers on duty over Christmas and Easter and maybe New Year ’s Eve in Scotland just as some store managers are happy to have Muslims on the staff to cover those dates. But do remember that Hogmanay was pretty much a pan-European festival so WPC Rowan Morrison might still want that festival off to find a nice sergeant and play with matches.

And then there’s the whole Friday / Saturday / Sunday thing:

‘Sure, take Woden’s day off, and the Thurse’s day Constable Conan – no problem…’

But isn’t it just as likely that this might be the kind of thing we’ll get:

Sir Ian Blair publicly warned the country’s top Muslim police officer to step into line yesterday over his racial discrimination claims.

The Scotland Yard Commissioner said every member of his force must ‘work to my direction’ or be dealt with ‘robustly and quickly’.

Sir Ian spoke out before holding crisis talks with Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur who, according to friends, is on the brink of launching a claim for compensation at an employment tribunal….

Members of the NBPA last night backed Mr Ghaffur and called on Home Secretary Jacqui Smith to intervene in the row.

Mr Ghaffur revealed documents supporting his claim of racial discrimination to a meeting of the NBPA executive.

The group, led by Metropolitan Police Commander Ali Dizaei, said it was 'totally and utterly convinced' the claim was legitimate. Among the documents were believed to be allegations of victimisation by Commissioner Sir Ian Blair and Police Authority chair Len Duvall….
An NBPA spokesman said: 'The National Black Police Association have held a formal meeting with Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur.

'Having reviewed the evidence we are astonished at the amount of material which was presented to us in support of his case. Assistant Commissioner Ghaffur appears to have been treated extremely poorly.

Or this:

A MUSLIM chef is suing the Met after being asked to cook pork sausages and bacon for breakfast.

Hasanali Khoja has accused the force of religious discrimination after it refused to guarantee that he would not have to handle pork.

Because what the police force needs more of today is more victims with special privileges, right?

‘I’m sorry sir, but this is an ancient and sacred wood – cutting it down is just plain wrong. In my grief, I plain missed the protesters when they bust in past our cordon…’

‘Shamans have used mind-bending drugs for millennia to speak to the spirits, and on the Solstice the walls between the worlds of Mankind and of the Ancestors are the weakest…’

Or, much more likely than actual corruption:

‘I explained to Sergeant Smith at the time that taking mead and performing The Great Rite are our holiest traditions and she didn’t mention any objections to the robes when we got home from the party.

The Police Service in institutionally monotheist and that is why I’ve never been given promotion and I’m being made an example of here.’

No, this may very well be just another way of inventing special people around whom institutions must bend their activities and limit their goals, and increase their costs.

What else can such an organisation do, but divide the police further?

Hang ‘em high, stamp their stupid healing crystals into grit, feed them to Odin’s Ravens and get some git-hard coppers who’ll not stop until the job’s done - even if it means crossing ley-lines at Beltaine.