Wimoweh

Perfect.

This is a perfect cameo of life in today’s Britain.

It’s got it all, really.

There’s the gormless-looking thief who obviously has no fear of apprehension and punishment (and who can say how many ‘second chances’ this vulnerable individual has been given to overcome the unfortunate circumstances f his birth and upbringing) stealing security equipment full-face to the camera. There’s little hope he has much to fear the Law feeling his collar anytime soon.

Then there’s his appearance. Sure, there’s the underclass uniform of peaked cap and crinkly tracksuit, though you’ll notice from the film that his fresh-faced apprentice has the dopey knit cap that is for the trainee jobbing chavs of today the equivalent of the classic propeller beanie.

But as for his missing teeth (no doubt the result of the wonderfully authentic and spontaneous life of restraint and mediation that he lives between stealing cameras live); somehow he seems to have missed out on the wonderful chances of ‘free’ dentistry which our envy-of-the-world-even-in-all-the-countries-that-don’t-copy-it-at-all-which-is-all-of-them National Health Service will have provided for the many (or possibly just one) periods of unemployment that he will have endured. To just not care – to not mind that you look extra ugly – where’s the self-respect? How does he expect to attract the affections of the opposite (?) sex? Or is that a battered and fierce appearance offer him some underclass cachet – a badge of pride that he’s been in fights, or a mask to intimidate would-be resistance out of future victims?

And there’s the fact that the police don’t know him and therefore haven’t nicked him. I’m sure that the police are more efficient now that they rely on centralized control and websites and anonymous phone numbers and call centres, but I thought that the great strength and pride of the British Police was that they knew their home towns and lived in them and knew about and recognised all the local ‘villains?’ Are there just so many such scrotes that they can’t keep count? I guess so.

And there seems to be reason to believe that someone is prepared to buy stolen security cameras and use them. What manner of end-user is that?

Crime has always been with us as laziness, greed, and a tendency to disobey society’s laws seem to be ineradicable parts of the human conditions, but Sweet Lord!, this is just one unremarkable and probably doomed to be unpunished ice shard in a an avalanche of lawlessness and absence of respect for anything and anyone.

So our country has gone from the policeman of the world, bringing law, science and industry to the four corners of the Earth, and which founded several other decent, great and peace-loving nations to stand against the evils of despotism, poverty and ignorance, to land where a man can confidently expect to remain free and to profit from stealing a security camera.

May I humbly suggest and new National Anthem for Britain?

In the jungle, the mighty jungle,

The lion sleeps tonight.