Sunday 13 September 2009

Wimoweh

Perfect.


This is a perfect cameo of life in today’s Britain.

It’s got it all, really.


There’s the gormless-looking thief who obviously has no fear of apprehension and punishment (and who can say how many ‘second chances’ this vulnerable individual has been given to overcome the unfortunate circumstances f his birth and upbringing) stealing security equipment full-face to the camera. There’s little hope he has much to fear the Law feeling his collar anytime soon.


Then there’s his appearance. Sure, there’s the underclass uniform of peaked cap and crinkly tracksuit, though you’ll notice from the film that his fresh-faced apprentice has the dopey knit cap that is for the trainee jobbing chavs of today the equivalent of the classic propeller beanie.

But as for his missing teeth (no doubt the result of the wonderfully authentic and spontaneous life of restraint and mediation that he lives between stealing cameras live); somehow he seems to have missed out on the wonderful chances of ‘free’ dentistry which our envy-of-the-world-even-in-all-the-countries-that-don’t-copy-it-at-all-which-is-all-of-them National Health Service will have provided for the many (or possibly just one) periods of unemployment that he will have endured. To just not care – to not mind that you look extra ugly – where’s the self-respect? How does he expect to attract the affections of the opposite (?) sex? Or is that a battered and fierce appearance offer him some underclass cachet – a badge of pride that he’s been in fights, or a mask to intimidate would-be resistance out of future victims?


And there’s the fact that the police don’t know him and therefore haven’t nicked him. I’m sure that the police are more efficient now that they rely on centralized control and websites and anonymous phone numbers and call centres, but I thought that the great strength and pride of the British Police was that they knew their home towns and lived in them and knew about and recognised all the local ‘villains?’ Are there just so many such scrotes that they can’t keep count? I guess so.


And there seems to be reason to believe that someone is prepared to buy stolen security cameras and use them. What manner of end-user is that?


Crime has always been with us as laziness, greed, and a tendency to disobey society’s laws seem to be ineradicable parts of the human conditions, but Sweet Lord!, this is just one unremarkable and probably doomed to be unpunished ice shard in a an avalanche of lawlessness and absence of respect for anything and anyone.


So our country has gone from the policeman of the world, bringing law, science and industry to the four corners of the Earth, and which founded several other decent, great and peace-loving nations to stand against the evils of despotism, poverty and ignorance, to land where a man can confidently expect to remain free and to profit from stealing a security camera.


May I humbly suggest and new National Anthem for Britain?

In the jungle, the mighty jungle,

The lion sleeps tonight.


9 comments:

James Higham said...

Pity you put in the words later because I wonder how many would have picked up on your Wimoweh?

JuliaM said...

"And there’s the fact that the police don’t know him and therefore haven’t nicked him. I’m sure that the police are more efficient now that they rely on centralized control and websites and anonymous phone numbers and call centres, but I thought that the great strength and pride of the British Police was that they knew their home towns and lived in them and knew about and recognised all the local ‘villains?’ Are there just so many such scrotes that they can’t keep count?"

It might just be a case of him looking so similar to all the other chavvy thieves that they can't decide which one it is...?

Dave H said...

Are you quite sure he's British?

It would explain why a shameless thief of very distinctive appearance was not recognised by the police.

North Northwester said...

Ah James, you know I like to pose with these little references - but I also like to be found out.

Julia, you may be right as he's wearing the uniform and you can even pick up the quality of his complexion and skin tone on the B&W security recording, but I'd say the front toothless are in a minority even amongst the Lumps.
Still, busy busy, and your "all" is the very point.

Dave H.
Welcome, and thanks for your comment.

But don't be silly. Britain's overseas immigrants are here to work hard and contribute taxes and exciting new cuisines, musical styles and expand our vocabulary. They are here to do the jobs the British won't do. They are not here to commit crimes.

Barking Spider said...

He's beautiful, NNW, innit! He has , as you say, either been thumped a real pearler which relieved him of his teeth or perhaps he's fallen flat on his face while out of his head on booze or drugs. One has to ask, though, why on earth the police have waited so long to release this video?!

Barking Spider said...

PS, as an old muso, I caught the song reference from my blog list - not bad, eh? I'll name that tune in one!

North Northwester said...

Well done BS, in every sense. I'll be doing more of these musical title things as posy titles are my unique selling point, (I'm hardly an original conservative, if there can be such a thing) and asking questions later...

I think it was the owner of the retail park who released the picture: blind faith in the police not being very much apparent at the Trafford Retail Park. I wonder why?..

TDK said...

Of course Wimoweh is a great metaphor for people of "right-on" politics in reality screwing the people they claim to support

North Northwester said...

Hi TDK - a good point, and one I was not aware of. And an interesting discussion at the end of the link. Thanks for both.

 

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