Friday, 12 August 2016

Help wanted

A large number of vacancies have unexpectedly become available throughout Britain’s medical, educational and care industries throughout the UK, in both the NHS and private sectors.

Cheap to pay, ill-educated immigrants with a burning desire to settle and improve the United Kingdom are needed for a wide variety of hands-on jobs involving the sick and convalescent as well as children and the elderly.

Ideal candidates will have little or no knowledge of the spoken English language and will be illiterate in its written form and preferably illiterate in the written language (if any) of their country of origin.

You will be dealing intimately with confused, injured or infirm individuals unable to fend for themselves so no medical, teaching or nursing qualifications are required and any catering experience need only be at the most rudimentary possible level. Personal hygiene is of paramount importance to the consortium of corporate shareholders and off-site managers offering this invitation, so full training in toilet use and explanations of what baths are for will be given in the thorough, days-long induction course delivered by a former dinner lady given management responsibilities beyond her qualifications.

You will preferably come from war-ravaged and brutal nations where respect for police or other authority figures who are not also relatives or patrons is not a consideration. A thorough belief in the curative powers of albino body parts and the healing properties of virgin girls is considered and advantage.

Healthcare and education are highly competitive enterprises in the United Kingdom, so applicants should have been brought up in an atmosphere of trading and healthy competition. Especially welcome will be candidates familiar with the storage and sale of women and children.
Successful applicants will not be expected to fit in with a busy and highly-motivated team or to respect the persons, property, ethics or welfare of its members. Management will not object if your religious, family and personal needs to take priority over any technicalities that may arise during the working day such as medical emergencies, fire alarms and the emotional needs of children and disturbed adults.

Each position is available immediately and is expected to last until you or your wife or wives achieve Permanent Resident status, when you and they will be able to claim a wide variety of benefits and other entitlements and you will be able to spend all your time with your growing family (domestic and foreign) or at your children’s free schools where you are invited to explain why such schooling is wrong and must change immediately and apologies be made (and hopefully compensation paid) to you and yours.

MerkelMayObamaCorps would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to what remains of Western Civilisation. Please feel free to do whatever you want with our countries and our people and please, never call us or other important people racist.

1 comment:

JuliaM said...

We're doomed...


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