Déjà Zoo

Marry in haste and repent at leisure.

Likewise post. Likewise comment.

In replying to some kind comments to this post of mine I jokingly speculated about what I’d be writing about next: nanobots?

I only had to go and Google ‘nanobots+Right wing’, didn’t I?

I only went and actually did it, didn’t I?

Firstly, there’s this Zionist-technical blurb from Mere Rhetoric.

Engadget - one of the most important tech blogs on the planet, where they get releases about cutting edge technology every day - is describing the achievement of Israeli scientists as an out and out medical revolution:

Two Israeli scientists may have created the catalyst for a medical revolution with their new project: a tiny, 1-millimeter-diameter robot which is capable of crawling through human veins and arteries. The bot can cling to vessel walls using small, powerful arms which protrude from a hub in its center... the robot is able to swim against the flow of blood, as well as squeeze through a variety of arterial openings... a large number of the bots could be used to fight certain types of cancer.

We have a deal for vicious, pathological anti-Israel advocates: you get to boycott Israel, but in exchange you don't get all of the great things that Israelis make. So not the deal that the Arab world has, where they'll take Israeli goods as long as you don't remind them it came from Jews. How does that sound?

I can imagine that once the Israeli medical nanobots are up and working there’ll be all kinds of servicing nanobots maintaining and supporting the front-line ones that do the actual healing.

Scene: The nano-server array in the post-op chamber of The Department Of Nanotech Surgery at Tel Aviv Medical Centre.

Assistant-nano ThXRachAel: ‘Optimum restorative surgery achieved, Principle-Onclogist466BAUM.’

Principle-Onclogist466BAUM: ‘Affirmative, Asst.(abbr)RachAel. Patient’s complete remission probability 97.6% +/- 0.8%.

Asst.(abbr)RachAel’s analysis of procedure is accurate to beyond statistical significance.’

Assistant -nano ThXRachAel: ‘Interrogative - Principle-Onclogist466BAUM to self-repair immediately via software from Nintendo World Golf Championship Game? Response required.’

Principle-Onclogist466BAUM: ‘Negative, RachAel. Current recharge and electrical resistance sub-routine indicated for full surgical nanaobot recovery. Interrogative -Does RachAel possess co-location? Response required.’

Assistant -nano ThXRachAel: ‘Sub-nano ThXRachAel possesses no co-lo and its resistance is zero-rated regarding data download requests from Principle-Onclogist466BAUM.’

Which in turn leads us to …

Israel adding to global animalbot army with "bionic hornets"

Israel thinks that the best way to think big is to think small. Reuters reports that the country will be researching the use of nanotechnology to fight militants within its borders over the next few years. Among the proposed projects are a set of "super gloves" that would give the wearer the power of a "bionic man," as well as tiny sensors to find suicide bombers. However, our favorite is a "bionic hornet" -- no bigger than a real hornet -- which would have the ability to "chase, photograph and kill its targets." While the bionic hornet hasn't actually been built yet, Deputy Prime Minister Shimon Peres said that prototypes for the new weapons could be expected by 2010. Americans, don't worry, we've already got our own insect cyborgs, attack dolphins, spy turtles and remote-controlled sharks underway, which should be ready within three years to counter any sissy hornets, bionic or otherwise.

I can foresee certain problems with this plan, though, considering its origins. Can’t you?

# Volvo are going to have the devil’s own time building anything quite that small.

# Individual units are likely to lose power round about Friday nights and head back towards the Queen/Server’s Hive/Array for recharging - though possibly not as often as Queen/Server’s Hive/Array sends her weekly Return to Base datapulses to every unit.

# Individual units are likely to go into paroxysms of irrational, counter-productive spiraling behaviour and angry buzzing on receipt of the Queen/Server’s interrogative datapulses regarding whether each individual unit has found a compatible drone to data-share with yet: datapulses which the Queen/Server sends every single fricking day already: like uncommitted drones are just mass-produced by Sony or something and swarm around in their millions near Palestinian kindergarten arms dumps with nothing better to do than offer wireless design software to very effective self-programming nano-hornets who’ve been operating independently and running successful missions for thirty megaseconds to date thank you so very much and who don’t need upgrades anymore from the Queen/Server like she’s only just brought me online ten kiloseconds ago.

And then to this…

While we're eagerly awaiting the day that we can lounge around while armies of nanobots perform their magical alchemy on our garbage and turn it into hot cellphones and delicious Big Macs, one British scientist is warning that the medical implications of nanotechnology have yet to be properly explored, despite numerous products already finding their way to market. Specifically, Edinburgh University Professor and environmental health expert Anthony Seaton argues that almost nothing is known about the potential effect of inhaling nanoparticles, likening the situation to the dangerous particle-emitting asbestos that was installed in buildings prior to 1970 without a second thought. According to some estimates, there are already 200 products containing nanoparticles available to consumers, with hundreds more expected to hit shelves this year -- but Seaton claims that so far, recommended nano testing "simply hasn't happened." Damn, way to ruin our nanobot fantasies, Professor Letdown.

Mind you, O fearless American Engadget buddies, old pals, this is the same British ‘science’ that to this day is making up figures about how much alcohol it is safe to consume on the one hand and which is refusing to release the raw data on Global Warming and the dying polar bears and every other human activity on the other.

Perhaps Professor Seaton will soon find himself with a lucrative position as Scientific Adviser to the National Nanotechnology Security Commission, and will be going on national television warning about the coming Nanobots Terror as these gigantic machines stride from city to city; crushing our stately Job Centres, destroying everything in their paths and marrying our polar bears...

But finally this…

The same dude who is clinging on to the idea that a country should support kings, princes, queens and spend billions of dollars to live in a palace, fly around the world— is also the same dude who wants to warn the world about the "dangers" of nanotechnology (little bots that can be used for all sorts of things like medical devices, etc…). Just to catch everyone up, Prince Charles..

God bless The Prince Of Wales!

…also thinks coffee enemas and carrot juice can cure cancer.

But who hasn’t allowed most of his country’s children to be taught to count up to ten in Spanish for the last twenty years by a man with his hand stuck up a frog’s bottom…

Hey Charles, perhaps you can get Merlin to lend a hand and whip up some magical cure for all the problems in the world, thanks.

That’s ‘Your Royal Highness,’ to you: trouserless virgin colonial publisher still living in your mother’s house.

Damn you eyes sir, that’s enough!

Good luck with the Town-hall meetings and the whole Defence of the West thing and all that, but you make tea that tastes so bad that it’s almost as if you’re still dressing up as Red Indians and chucking it into the sea.

Away with your chippy Yankee sarcasm about the next head of state of a nation that never yet elected a half white chap and then pranced around saying they’d elected a black one.

That’s it, I’m sending my British nanobots over there to demand an apology: miracles of British micro-engineering each one.

Fly, Megamicro! Burrow, Molezilla! Swim, Little Welsh Rod!

Go, my little beauties, and bring the geek to me…