Dxn v Dck Grn

This makes sense – if you’ve been living in New Labour Britain for twelve years and you have already come to love Big Gordie and his minions.

POLICE will be sending crime prevention advice to residents by text message in the next few days as part of a new scheme.

Messages will be sent by bluetooth to mobile phones in areas across Lancashire where burglaries have taken place.

evnng al

Messages will include warnings to make sure doors and windows are locked and houses are secure.

wtch ot thr’s bglar abt

Officers will be using the novel method to highlight to residents, important information about home security and police hope they will remind people about the importance of keeping properties locked, especially during the night.

tbh, U gt 2 stay awake on hot nites or steem indrs

This comes as part of Operation Julius, a countywide campaign to reduce burglaries in Lancashire.

rofl

Chief Inspector Damian Darcy…

as in Prd N Prjdc ffs?!

lol

…said: “These messages should act as a wake-up call to residents

‘By ‘eck, Gladys, it’s t’mobile phone machine sending me a text message. Can there be trouble at t’mill, or is some gormless pie-muncher trying to wake me up an’ me on earlies an' all?’

… reminding them to make sure their doors and windows are locked and that their houses are secure.

Because we don’t want to return to the bad old days when such measures were famously unnecessary, now do we? That would require: policing (with backup for arresting officers instead of War and Peace form-filling), actual punishment, judgmentalism, judgment, and judges. And no way that’s going to happen…

“In the summer, and particularly due to the very warm weather, we know that people have a tendency to leave windows and doors open, leaving them vulnerable to burglars.

“These open doors and windows are invitations to a burglar.

Women who dress sexily are just asking for it, aren’t they? Same deal for property owners.

rite?

In over a third of all burglaries, thieves don’t have to break in because people have left windows and doors unlocked.

Fair enough. We’ll make it hard for them – if the authorities will make it hard for the others who do have to break in.

dnt hld yr brth

“Getting a text message from the police as you settle down for the night, telling you that a burglary may have occurred in your area and asking you if you have made sure your windows and doors are secure will definitely make people sit up in bed, think and take action.

Such as introducing the Men’s freestyle Nokia-throwing to the Lancashire Games this summer, or adding to the incidence of domestic incidents round about the time when marital cocoa is allowed to cool down.

Lancashire lads don’t just brush their teeth and take their boots off to hear from Plod, let me tell you.

“If a burglary occurs officers will be deployed to that area to prevent further offences.

Catchy, isn’t it: not catching? D’you think it might catch on – not catching?

"As part of their patrol plan these text messages will be sent out.

“The text messages will point out that burglary in Lancashire is at its lowest in 35 years and we want to keep it that way.

jj

Residents have a crucial part to play.”

As victims, it seems.

Mnd hw U go

More fun n from TJ.AT and Operation Julius from our archives here.