War on Terror ends. We won.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad renounces violent jihad, gives up his country’s nuclear programme and sets out for Denmark to divide his time between work in that country’s flourishing bacon industry and satirical cartooning.

Saudi Arabia adopts Iceland’s constitution and allows women to campaign for office in free elections. Bjork becomes Earth Mother and Prime Minister when Íslenska Ásatrúarfélagið sweeps to power.

Hamas’ Adventures On The Riverbank becomes unlikely favourite for best selling Christmas children’s film DVD for 2009.

Scores of terrified British schoolboys breathe sighs of relief, start shaving again and plot massive cultural revenge on West.

Wisden site crashes. Willow futures soar. Headingley and Trent Bridge become preferred sites for Haj…

Here’s why…

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The answer. Later.