Brexiteers don’t want you to learn this simple trick

A guest post from #lighterfluidsnowflake

My dear fellow Remaindered,

It’s been a week now.

Are you ready to talk yet?

When Stalin died, Russians wept in the streets for their loss.

The lynchpin of their security; the very cornerstone of their shared prosperity and comfort had been removed; their very world had been lost. Most simple folk brought up in the socialist paradise feared that they would no longer be able to find food now that the great man had gone. Throughout his long and productive life of service to others, Comrade Stalin had done much to promote ever-increasing annual bumper crops, to increase longevity and to raise the material standards of living and personal freedoms of his countrymen. His lesser helpers had supported his genius in more modest ways: first by denouncing, then shunning, next disemploying and finally resettling out East the doubters, saboteurs and reactionaries whose lies about the results, methods and even the very logic of Scientific Socialism itself had done so much to harm the People’s Cause. And where are they now, those know-nothing backsliders and revanchists? Who knows? Not leading a bright new future for Russia and the world, I know that for sure.

How much worse do we suffer, now that the Little Englanders claim that Britain must leave the European Union because of a simple conjuring trick of arithmetic?

We have lost our home, and no-one in history can ever imagine our pain: they can literally have no idea how hard this feels for us.

The plucky David (he’s in a story from a book called the Bible; Google it) of Remain with nothing more going for him than all the main political parties, the BBC, Sky and ITV; all of academia; the trades unions and the leadership and creative folk of the subsidized arts; the education system; the National Church and all the nonconformists, the most thoughtful and talented of celebrities, Britain’s tiny and beleaguered Muslim population, J.K. bloody Rowling ffs!, all EU funded institutions, EU politicians and officials of the Commission and Parliament, the President of the United States and philanthropist George Soros, along with that helpful taxpayer funded leaflet from the UK Executive (the so-called ‘UK Government’);  the Times, the Guardian, the Independent and the Mirror somehow managed to defeat the Goliath of Leave by the sheer persuasive force of love. And now Goliath: that giant pillar of the entrenched establishment with four national newspapers; the immensely rich and influential UKIP with its huge network of paid agents and saboteurs controlling every institution in the land and 17,410,742 racists is trying to steal our moral victory from us by the petty lawyer’s trick of treating a simple head count as in some way binding.

It’s easy to see how this has come about. The evil and ignorant dross of these islands (the British working classes that have gone from the salt to the scum of the earth during two generations of New Left ascendancy) have been herded into the polling booths by fear and bigotry. Do you see what happens when people don’t eat enough sun-dried tomatoes and capers and instead gorge on chicken nuggets, pizza and cake? They should definitely stop eating cake.

What kind of person actually fears the importation of a million people per year from the most messed-up region of the world?

What can you call the folk who actually fear an ideology that preaches world conquest, the slaughter of the Jews and the utter subjection of women but ‘Nazi’? And they just don’t seem to pay care any more when you call them that.

How in Gaia’s name did that happen?

Progressive ideas have only achieved the smallest toehold in the reactionary world of education for little more than 50 years, so it is little wonder that so many products of 11 (and now 13) years of compulsory state education ignored all the wisdom and moral goodness of their betters and voted instead with fear. Perhaps after another 50 years working in university education departments and dominating the teacher training colleges, we shall produce a majority of citizens who can’t even.

But do not fear for too long, my brothers, sisters, siblings and other-kin because you cannot stop Progress.

It looks possible that the wiser heads in the Tory party will prevail and Britain will achieve a composite relationship with the EU through a variety of amended arrangements with the EEA, the EFTA and their connected codicils, sub-codicils and layered competences. After all, what is the Acquis Communautaire if not crystal clear? Won’t that be nice?

But best of all for the Progressive community in general and the European Movement in particular is just how out of touch the Brexiteers are. They remain so utterly ignorant of the social and economic changes that have swept through these beloved European islands of ours that they don’t know what is about to hit them.

Soon, so very soon, the long-suffering masses will arise.

They will rise from all the coal mines and climb into the sunlight. They will down tools in the huge, grim factories  in which they toil across the length and breadth of Britain, step away from the clattering loom and alight from the train's footplate and join with their Muslim neighbours (may their tribe increase) and alongside the trans-fatty-fluid and other allies will tear down the soot-blackened palaces of the mighty and insist that their children be sent to schools where they will receive educations every bit as good as those provided at Eton and Harrow.

Who knows, comrades; next year in Caracas perhaps?

Because you can’t. Stop. Progress.

You just can’t.