Amazing video: Cameron wins General Election

…and you won’t believe what happens next.

But seriously folks, it’s as though your house was ablaze (it’s an open secret it was arson and the arsonists are still around the neighbourhood, smirking and looking meaningfully at your children) and you called for help hoping someone will phone the fire brigade but you feared a man with a bucket of petrol would arrive instead, but then a man with a bucket of water arrived.

On the brighter side, if in five years and the other half of sub-Saharan Africa

arrives in Britain to vibrate our communities even better and we’re still powering Britain with windmills, at least those windmills won’t be lesbians.

All kudos to the Rotherham Labour Party, though. Its old-style pro-working-class slogan “Vote Labour and if Muslim rape gangs prostitute your daughter the length and breadth of the Pennines we’re here for you” has come up roses again.

I suppose they ate caviare in Downing Street last night – that being the best thing about sturgeons.

Hmm. Anyone want to buy a gross of “Power to the Purple” T-shirts?

Still. Russell Brand, eh?

Russell Brand.

Russell bloody Brand

Picture from here.