Epic Muhammad movie in pipeline
Oh, those wags!
“Pipeline!” Get it?
The single thing that makes some Islamic countries more influential in world’s culture and civilisation than
An epic movie about Islam's Prophet Muhammad is in the pipeline, backed by a producer of the Lord of the Rings.
This I’ve got to see! Admittedly, there’s only one noticeable cute single woman in the whole Lord of the RingsMuhammad they’re going to bag her head as well. And what’s with the spelling of his name, anyway? You can never trust those dhimmis at the Beeb when they discuss matters of – well - anything at all really, and so why they chose this variant for one can only speculate, instead of Mohammad, trilogy, but in Muhammed, Mohamed, Muhammed, Muhamed, Mehmed, Muhammed, Muhammet, Muhamet, Mehmet, Mohand, Mahometus (which kinda rhymes, if you know what I mean), Maometto, Moameth, Mahoma, Mukhammad, Magomed, Maxamed, Mamadou, Makhambet. Perhaps that’s the most peaceful and loving spelling, and the variant we are least likely to associate with beheadings or female genital mutilations, honour killings and genocidal anti-Semitism I suppose.
American Barrie Osborne, who also produced The Matrix, (AKA Thu Matricks, Da Meddrigs, la Matrisse, Der Mettriks, Dumb Hat-tricks,) told Reuters the film would be an "international epic" aimed at "bridging cultures". It will also include people who don't know what the hell's going on with or without sunglasses.
Ooh goody! This is us, aren’t we lovely? films, like the Triumph Of The Will and Battleship Potemkin, or the North Korean comedy cult classic Mamma’s Got A Brand New Bag With Absolutely Nothing To Put In It.
I can imagine that the small-scale back story will be of a simple family man trying to make his way in the world and feed his family amidst titanic historical events when suddenly someone kills all his brothers and rapes and enslaves his womenfolk and castrates him for sale up North, but he dies of septicaemia on the way.
In accordance with Islamic rules, the Prophet cannot be depicted on screen. Images of the Prophet are considered blasphemous by Muslims.
Here’s one, for example.
The $150m (£91m) English language film should go into production in 2011.
Qatari media company Alnoor Holdings, which is behind the plans, said it wanted to attract the "best international talent" for the film.
So, let’s see. That’s the Scientologist Tom Cruise as the voice of The Prophet (if they can’t get him that did Shrek or the lion off Madagascar or someone), and Jeff Goldblum as Abu Bakr, and the entire cast of Saint Trinian’s as The Prophet’s wives and, er, so on.
"The film will educate people about the true meaning of Islam," Osborne said.
Raja Sharif, vice president of international projects at Alnoor, told Reuters he expected to conclude deals next year.
And just look at the geniuses they’ve got making it. What talent. What humanity. What depth. Phew.