Sunday, 11 January 2009

Zen stupidity: Special Diplomacy Edition

A crack squad of hand-picked Left-wing muppets has produced an international affairs panacea in a single, easy-to-flush-down-Guantanamo-Bay-toilets volume.

Robert Harvey and Geoffrey Howe have brought together a collection of nineteen wise men of global politics, including Jimmy Carter, Geoffrey Howe, Michael Heseltine, Zbigniew Brezezinski, Simon Jenkins and Henry Kissinger…

‘Wise’ here being a trendy new synonym for ‘capable of being out-thought by a panel of celebrity tree-stumps’, I suppose.

…who are united in their dismay at the direction that international relations has taken since 2001.

Laugh? Weep? Enjoy the rest of the puff.

They offer recommendations of how to unravel the mess that Western governments find themselves them in after their disastrous interventions in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Unlike Jimmy Carter's human-rights intervention in the Shah's Iran which brought the world what helpful new development?

They suggest that the War on Terror has been misguided, poorly executed...

Well done - you got ‘poorly executed’ right, but it's a bit fish in a barrel, isn't it?

...and that the threat has been over-emphasised…

Well looky here and talk to me from over-emphasised.

…which has been used to introduce legislation that has to a severe erosion of our civil liberties.

So we need to get rid of all those statist politicians who used it, right, (like 99% of Labour and bring in some freedom lovers, yeah?)

[Confession - I actually wanted tightly-controlled 90-days incarceration for terrorist suspects but hey, that's just me.]

Now the authors turn the stupidity level up from ‘stun’ to ‘kill.’

For the future, they suggest we should focus on the really important issues that face the world today: nuclear proliferation and how to manage it…

Such as keeping talking to and about the Islamic Republic of Iran like all the Lefties do rather than, say, bombing the falafels out of their huge nuclear programme, for example?

….as well as preventing the fall of nuclear weapons into the hands of terrorists.

see above

As well as encouraging both Russia and the USA to reduce drastically their stockpiles of weapons. Averting humanitarian catastrophes with the promotion of freedom and democracy…

Like all those Middle Eastern countries whose despotic governments can’t wait to lose their power and privileges to the peoples’ elected representatives?

without the use of force….

Hamas was elected democratically, lads. How’s that working out averting humanitarian catastrophes-wise?

The USA and EC should reconcile itself to the emergence of major new powers around the world such as Russia

so new


who knew?

India, Japan, Brazil, Mexico

Mexico? The economic, cultural and political colossus Mexico which runs those enlightening Gap Year tours of US farms and restaurant kitchens for millions of it citizens each year? That Mexico?

….and at some point South Africa and Nigeria.

Yes indeedy; all that oil, good health services, law and order, effective government and, wait a minute, I’ve got an email and…

Yep, quite coincidentally, it looks like a good business proposition…

I think I'll invest in Nigeria; it looks like an excellent opportunity.

In fact, I’m going to sign up for it, just as soon as I’ve bought this book….

Israel and Palestine: both the US and the EC need to work harder to find a lasting solution to this conflict.

Kittens are nice.

Russia needs to be drawn into the western economic and political community.

So are girls.

The security of energy supplies and a fair pricing policy.

Goes like…?

Global warming should be treated as a global priority, with solutions undertaken on an effective worldwide basis.

Likewise the global giant lizard threat.

The huge inequalities in wealth that exist both within and between states.

Is maybe due to some things that some other clever people might also know something about, d’you think?

The reform and improvement of the UN…

Which is going to happen with the co-operation of all those new freedom-loving superpowers you mentioned above, yeah?

…and NATO that reflects the new economic growth area of Asia.

Well, NATO’s fighting in Afghanistan – that’s got to be a good start, surely?

…and allows for a more consensual and effective international security structure.

Who consenting to what, exactly?

I mean, sheesh!

It’s nice to see that the world’s moron drought is lifting, isn’t it?



Yaffle said...

"The huge inequalities in wealth that exist both within and between states."

I sure redistribution of the £240m Heseltine fortune is imminent.

North Northwester said...

Welcome, Yaffle, thanks for commenting.
(Good monicker - the academic woodpecker, right?)

Not quite sure what your comment meant and I'd love it if you could elaborate; it gets lonely here at Northwester Towers.

Still, it seems to be rude about Mister Heseltine, and for the man who started the revolt against Mrs.Thatcher no sarcasm is too deep for me.

He makes my (diluted) Welsh blood boil.


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