Declaration of Welfare Dependence

The Declaration of Utter Dependency of the 57 States

In CONGRESS, January 21, 2009

The unanimous Declaration of the fifty-seven united States of Utopia.

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a diverse people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with their history, and to assume among the powers of the Environmental Movement, the submissive and apologetic station to which their nation's many unforgivable crimes and human rights violations demand of them, a guilty conscience about the opinions of humankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal (except for women - who are better), that they are endowed by their betters with certain socially-constructed rights, that among these are dole, equality and the pursuit of pleasure. --That to enforce these rights, governments are instituted over The People, deriving their unlimited powers at the insistence of the governing class, --That whenever any form of government becomes inconvenient to untrammelled power, it is the duty of The People to have a new one dictated to them, and to finance new government departments, paying for their foundation on such prejudices and organizing powers in such form as to the rulers shall seem most likely to secure their Power and Privileges.

Political necessity, indeed, will indicate that governments long established can be changed for trivial and fashionable causes; but despite this all experience hath shewn, that persons are more disposed to obey, while evils are sufferable, better if their new leaders subvert the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their duty to kowtow to such Despotism, and to provide new funds for its future security.

It has been the erstwhile experience of these Democrats; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to subtly alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the former President of The United states [George W Bush] is a history of repeated policies and innovations, all having in direct object the resistance to an absolute Tyranny over the Seas. To prove this, let factoids be submitted to an envious world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public sector labor unions.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of doubtful and transitory importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the enrichment of large numbers of politicians, unless those politicians would relinquish the right of snouting through the trough, a right inestimable to them and formidable to taxpayers only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places luxurious, comfortable, and distant from the depositories of Political Correctness for the sole purpose of good government.

He has vetoed administrative measures repeatedly, by opposing with manly firmness their invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such vetoes, to cause others to be imposed; whereby the administrative measures, unworthy of elevation, have returned power to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time defended from dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has obstructed the Abolition of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judicial activist powers.

He has made Judges dependent on the Constitution alone, in return for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of new defenders, and sent hither swarms of heroes to harass our peoples’ enemies, and to confiscate their substances.

He has set around us, in times of war, Standing Armies without the consent of the Liberals.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Liberal media.

He has combined with others to subject us to the sole jurisdiction of our constitution and upheld our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of legitimate Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops overseas:

For protecting them, by Due Process, from punishment for any acts of patriotism which they should commit against the Enemies of these States:

For protecting our Trade with all parts of the world:

For refusing Taxes without Democrats’ Consent:

For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Media:

For transporting enemies beyond Seas to be held for war crimes:

He has guarded our seas, warded our Coasts, rebuilt our towns, and protected the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of loyal troops to resist the works of death, desolation and tyranny, elsewhere begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, as is wholly worthy the Head of a civilized nation.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the supreme judge of the World Opinion for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the political class of the States, solemnly publish and declare, That these United States are, and of Right ought to be willing members of the United Nations; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the former Constitution, and that all political connection between them and the American Constitution, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as blood-Guilty and oil-dependent States, they have full Power to eschew War, dream about Peace, cancel Alliances, over-regulate Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Socialist States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the randomness and indifference of blind evolution, we mutually take from the American People your Lives, your Fortunes for our dubious Honor.

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